Why a Mid-Life Crisis Guide? by Djuanna Brockington
By Djuanna Brockington • Sep 5th, 2008 • Category: Free Flow Friday •
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Please join APOOO as we welcome new guest columnist/blogger, Djuanna Brockington. Check out her APOOO inaugural blog and please make her feel welcome by leaving LOTS OF COMMENTS.
Why a guide to having a mid- life crisis? Because more likely than not, it’s going to happen to you. Western culture defines the mid-life crisis as that period of questioning that individuals experience during their “middle years” of life. Since the average life span in the US is like 80+ years, it’s safe to say that if you elect your early 40s as the time to have your crisis, you are right on schedule. That’s what I did. I turned 40 last year and decided to embark on my own version of the M-LC. I may be a bit early though, because the women in my family often make it to late 80s, mid-90s. No matter. It’s my crisis and I’ll do what I want to. Life will never be the same-which is exactly the point.
So what is a mid-life crisis? Well, it’s when you start questioning the status quo of your life. Why are things the way they are? Do they have to stay this way? What happens if I change things? For me, it was about getting out of the rat race and having a professional life that truly reflects my personality- one that allows me to be creative and in control. And boy, is control a big deal for me.
When a man undergoes his M-LC, he often buys a shiny penis-mobile, starts using slang he really doesn’t understand, and, of course, occasionally trades out of his faithful and steady wife for the trophy chica that will make heads turn and his offspring from his previous marriage pretty pissed off. This is a self-centered and negative approach to mid-life. On the flip side, studies have shown that when women have a mid-life crisis, they often leave high paying jobs to start non-profits or become activists in their community. They begin worrying about the world at large and trying to find ways to make a difference. They eat right, exercise, and become comfortable with their flaws, all the while, accentuating their positives. Occasionally marriages end, but probably those that needed ending anyway. In general, when women have a M-LC, it’s pretty positive, and someone’s life is made better for it. So, to say I’m an advocate for women having a mid-life crisis is an understatement.
We don’t all have the resources to tell The Establishment to kiss our asses on our way out the door (believe me, I had to wait for the stars to align and the right set of circumstances before I could take that walk), but we all have the power every day to make conscious decisions on our own behalf. It might feel like just dropping a pebble in a pond, but the ripple effects will be amazing. Here is why you should consider having your own mid-life crisis:
- You have earned it. You have been taking care of business on so many levels for everyone else for a long time- the kids, the partner, work, the parents, heck even the siblings for some of us. What have you done for you lately?
- It’s scary. But fun. Nothing else to say there.
- You can earn the title of the Maverick (and not in a John McCain way) because you will be known for having convictions and being moved into action by them.
- You get to shed everyone else’s image of you, and define yourself- if you haven’t done so already.
You determine the rules to live your life by, and you get to let everyone know what you will and won’t accept in your life.
And just to whet your appetite, here are some of the topics I’ll be expounding upon in the coming weeks:
- Buy Your Own Damn Sports Car
- Quit Your Day Job (or at Least Daydream About It)
- Sex Your Way (or Stop Having Sex Just to Get It Over With)
- Are Hooker Pumps Really Necessary?
My goal is to entertain, enlighten, and to always encourage women to do it for themselves, while supporting one another along the way. Make sure you leave your comments- I’d love to hear what you think. And let me know if there is anything you want me to talk about. It’s all about us.
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Djuanna Brockington is is a Southern Diva who knows about mid-life. Once she hit her 40s, life as she knew it no longer made sense. What she wanted and what she was experiencing, both personally and professionally, were not matching up, so she started seeking change. Be careful what you wish for. After 19 years of service, Djuanna left full-time employment in the public sector for life as a consultant and writer. When she is not chasing the dollars to pay the bills, she is enjoying her family and friends, reading whatever she can get her hands on, and working on that elusive novel. Visit Djuanna on the web at http://southerndva.blogspot.com
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Turning forty, certainly changes a sister, now over a decade later, the crisis and past and it’s I love my life, and I am going to live it on my own terms and those who want to come along are welcome, all others can stay out the way, because the train is moving…woo hoo…
Great Post!
Blessings!
angelia
Welcome Djuanna! As a early dirty-30’s girl, I can say I am anxious about hitting M-LC…lol Right now, I’m so focused on the kids and getting life right that it’s hard to be in crisis FOR myself. Great post!
Darnetta
Darnetta’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #3– Oh so cute!
Hey Angelia,
Thanks for the comment. I have to say that I’ve been enjoying my “crisis”. It’s the control freak in me. I have made too many excuses in my life about why I can’t do this, that, or the other right now. When you’ve had enough, you just do it. LOL
Djuanna’s last blog post..PMS and Politics
Hey Darnetta,
Girl, the thirties are something else all together. That’s usually when you are knee-deep in caretaking for others. Just don’t forget yourself, when you can. Sneak off to the movies by yourself for a couple of hours, take a mental health day when you can, buy yourself an ice cream cone. You will eventually get to the other side. But you can definitely start planning your crisis now. Make it as wild as you want, be unexpected, do you.
Djuanna’s last blog post..PMS and Politics
I had my mid-life crisis at 35 years all, yet the denouement didn’t arrive until this year. You are right Djuanna: my crisis was a culmination of recognizing that I’ve done things a certain way in the past and accepting that I don’t want to do it that way anymore…regardless of money, humanitarian acts, family, and so on. So, I suggest that you not fight with, suppress, or in any way anger your mid-life crisis because you’ll only prolong it and cause attention to yourself.
But when the mid-life crisis is over, your mind and subconscious are very peaceful.
Who knows, I may have another mid-life crisis when I turn 55. I’m a mover and a shaker.
Trina, you’ve got me LOL! I like that you may have another M-LC at 55! Why not. I believe that the Chinese word for crisis and opportunity is the same word (I hope it’s Chinese. I’ve got lots of facts in my head that don’t mean anything to anyone but me, and sometimes the wires get crossed when I try to dust them off- I digress). This blog is about the fun you can have along the way. By the way, the mid-life crisis is mainly a Western concept. I advocate that we are active in our crisis (something that we are doing) as opposed to passive (something that is done to us).
And thanks for my favorite line today:
“So, I suggest that you not fight with, suppress, or in any way anger your mid-life crisis because you’ll only prolong it and cause attention to yourself”
That gave me the image of my M-LC as a living, breathing thing. Something that I can embrace instead of fear. Cool!
Girl, you done good. That was excellent. You came into your 40s with a bang!
Dera’s last blog post..I’ve Been Tagged
Thanks so much Dera. I’m having fun over here at APOOO. See ya’ next week.
Djuanna’s last blog post..PMS and Politics
My own MLC was precipitated by the sudden death of my father when I was 39. He was a man who gave his all for his family, working the same job for 40 years. He had a list of things he wanted to do for himself–when he retired. He taught us those values. He was working on his list, but he only lived 5 years after retirement. The day he died, I decided to stop putting things off–and I haven’t looked back. I haven’t done or seen all the things on my list, but I’m working on it=:)
I had mine several years ago, took a buyout at work and have NOT looked back. The hubby clone is now grown so I now read when I want to, scrapbook, study photography, cook when I feel it, retired the dress clothes except on very special occasions, wear no heels, jeans & sneakers are the preferred dress code, and am as happy as a bird in whistling time.