Black History Month Salute, Is Romance Still Alive & Well in the African Amer – 2/4/2008
By APOOO • Feb 4th, 2008 • Category: Black History Month Salute •
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I pray so. I hope so. I know so. I am still a believer, even though by all indications, I probably should not be–BIG SMILE!
The trends are there, notwithstanding, they are just not being blasted by the so-called mainstream media. However, history has proven that, the mainstream media has never really been on ‘our’ side, so why one would turn to that source for information and research, is beyond me. Go figure? But since we are in Black History Month, let us retrace our steps back in time and then move forward. Let us go back to a time that will live in the African American community in infamy.
During a brutal era where a human holocaust of tragic proportions never yet witnessed in the world, whereby 400 years of death, hell, and destruction claimed the lives of 125 million Africans in America during the Middle Passage alone–not counting stateside lynching, murders, starvation, and death by contagion& people loved. Maybe it was our way of holding onto the very fragile bit of our humanity we had left, one will never know. But we loved hard, across plantations and lines drawn in minds, and we loved even though we were told we were animals, and animals supposedly do not love.
At a time. where survival alone should have been paramount, if you ask the archivists (and fantastic historical authors like Beverly Jenkins), they will tell you stories of people walking miles and risking death to be with their beloved. Men selling themselves back into slavery, even once freed, to remain connected with their wives and children. Human beings, men and women, risking being lynched and having their eyes put out for merely reading, or hands chopped off for daring to write a love letter. A missive of the heart. An instrument of faith. A mere splattering of an overflowing heart onto a dangerous piece of paper that, if found, could cost you your life or worse (torture–there are worse things than dying.) But they did. The heart is a compelling organ. Sex alone is not enough to warrant becoming a slave again once freed. Loving someone beyond the boundaries of law is. Think of it–to love someone so much that you would rather be a slave so that you could still be with them, than to be free. The concept is unfathomable.
During Reconstruction, families were scattered like so many dandelion spores to the wind, and yet there are records of long journeys, letters seeking secret lovers, betrothed partners who cared not that the master forbade a marriage–hearts and families united. That period saw more marriages than any other of record, because with newfound freedom came a respect and longing for family life that had been denied. No longer could a person’s body or lover or child be sold away at the whim of a master or mistress for profit or savagery. Freedom was a gift to be cherished and it was consummated by unions that had been forbidden. Black folks got married.
Hard times, Jim Crow South, the freedom train of Civil rights, still black men loved their black women; and black women sure loved their black men. From muddy water blues, to R&B, Gospel, jazz, and Mo-town’s sultry sound, we told the story of loving hard and long and deep& we are still America’s soul. Then we became hip hop and neo-soul, but we are still telling the story of when a man loves a woman, and how Jill Scott’s got Crown Royal on Ice. Yeah& we ain’t forget.
Now I know you must be saying, ‘Yeah, girl, but that was then, what about now?/ My response is simply this: Have you ever gotten on a prison bus (the new form of slavery, where a person works for major corporations at $.10/hour that’s a story for another day)? Have you seen the letters, heard the stories? Have you ever gone on-line, (it’s ok, you can admit it), to find out what this whole match-dot-whatever thing is about? Have you read what the men are saying they want? Have you really listened to the loneliness in their appeals? Have you ever sat down with a group of male teens and really talked, just ‘kicked it’ as they say? Then talked to the young girls? Or, hell, have you ever watched Maury’s DNA Monday or Jerry Springer–c’mon, be honest, I know you have. Smile.
They (the young and so-called ‘ignorant’) might be getting things backward, putting the cart before the horse– but if you hear what they are really saying, it is all the same; ‘I thought she was into me, then I found out she was a ho.’ Or, ‘I thought he was being real, then I found out it was all lies and he played me.’ Translation #1; I really loved her and thought she would just be with me, then she was unfaithful and broke my heart–so I am done. Translation #2; I loved that man enough to create life with him, only to find out he was playing games and was not serious. Now I do not know what to do, somebody help me.
Okay, let us think about this. If street-wise, cold-blooded, hard attitude folks are getting played does not that say that there is still an underlying premise going on with both young men and women, namely–people are still believing in what we have started calling ‘the fairy tale.’ They want LOVE. They want FAITHFULNESS. They want HONOR. They want THE ONE AND ONLY. How DEEP is that? Nobody wants to ‘be played./ Lives are being ruined in the pursuit of happiness, but people keep chasing this illusive thing called love. And it is not just ‘Shaniqua’ or ‘Shenay-nay,’ nor is it just ‘lil’ Pookie’ and ‘June Bug’ that are chasing the dream.
Let us take another cross section of the market. In 1992 the publishers found out that 60% of ALL paperbacks sold were romances, and of that number, 1/3 were African American and Latina women. Whoa. This is your ‘intelligencia’ yeah, your ‘reading public’& folks that eat, sleep, and breathe books. This is a cross section of the population that is into what some would call the lost art of literacy thinkers. And they have chosen romances. People choose what they believe in, what they love to fantasize about, what they hope and wish for. Plus, get this; even the relatively new genre of ‘paranormal’ romance is blowing up because of the ‘romance’ element within it.
So, despite all the hype about men no longer being romantic, romance being dead–especially in the black community, and there no longer being any care for ‘relationships,’ tell me why Match.com, e-Harmony, Soul Singles, Black People Meet, Black Boomers Meet, and a dozen more, et al, are making a fortune? If people just wanted sex on stilettos, they could walk into any strip club or bar and drop it like it’s hot. But that is both the irony and tragedy; that is not all that people want. Men and women want the full Monte, the ‘package deal,’ even if it has become politically incorrect to say so or admit it. There is a current urban legend that makes people hide the fact that they want love and want to be swept away in love. That legend says that, particularly if you are African American, do not let ‘em see you sweat& do not be no fool, do not get played, act like you know’love ain’t for us. Yet and still, in the quite recesses of our minds (even if we are too embarrassed to admit it to our girlz and our homeboyz), we are reading romances, wishing on a star, going to church and praying to Jesus for somebody to find us and save us from being so alone.
This world, in all its technological advances, has isolated people more and more. But something is going on; people are trying to connect. Ask any pastor of a mega-church and they will tell you that their singles ministries are thriving, and a lot of them have even gone on-line, too! Folks are trying to break out of the barriers of isolation to find each other in this frenetic crazy world. No rational person wants to do this life thing all alone and people are going to extreme measures not to have to do so.
I get a chance, as an author, to interview a lot of men (smile) tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. I get to ask them questions in a detached mode for research (of course), when writing the male point of view– and after enough glasses of wine or beer (to ply them, I drink ginger ale to stay on point, LOL)–they reveal the truth. They tell me, (while looking around five ways to be sure no one else hears), ‘Ok, Les, you ain’t gonna tell nobody, right?’ Of course I always agree to keep identities concealed as a professional. After many assurances they drop their voices and their gaze and confess to months (some even years) of celibacy looking for Mrs. Right. They tell me how women have trounced their hearts, fleeced their pockets, done the unspeakable to them& and yet they STILL believe in this thing they dare not murmur to their boyz. The four letter word, L.O.V.E. These confessions cut across all socio-economic, educational, and racial lines. Men are hurting. Women are hurting. Everybody wants the dream.
All I can tell you is this–no matter what you’ve been through, and I don’t care what you have heard, romance is alive and well in the black community. Just don’t stop believing in the dream. You’ve gotta keep hope alive!
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APOOO is a book club and an online author and reader community dedicated to advancing African American literature. Our mission is to expose readers of all ages to a good book in any genre; to support African American authors, books, literary events and bookclubs; to provide marketing resources, tools and tips to authors; and, to promote literacy within the African American community.
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