APOOO » Musings of a Mid-Life Diva

Here We Go Again by Djuanna Brockington

Djuanna Brockington — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:00:49 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading a magazine article about the mid-life changes that women go through, and how it can be compared to middle school and the changes that young girls encounter when entering puberty. You know, physical, hormonal, and emotional changes that make them act so unbearable one minute, and exceedingly giddy the next. Those changes.

I thought I’d take a closer look just for kicks.

All these changes confound the young mind. Most of the time the kids don’t realize what is going on. Not so with us adults. We know what’s going on, and we know that we can’t stop it.

In middle school, your physical changes take the form of budding breasts and developing hips. You get curvier and softer. And the boys notice. Fast forward to mid-life. Your breasts need the assistance of an expensive, yet very pretty bra to keep from resting on your belly, which by the way has gotten softer and rounder (unless you have payed homage to the exercise and diet gods by following their rules consistently).

In middle school, your hormones are ramping up. You start your period, and become aware of sexuality, with all of the confusing and enticing feelings that it brings. You are becoming a woman. Mid-life means that things are powering down and it is the end of your ability to procreate. Um- YAY! (Of course, it also means that your sex life will change, but that’s nothing a little lube and lots of foreplay won’t cure.)

And finally, in middle school, your emotions are all over the place. Happy, angry, defiant, sad, all within a matter of minutes. Do I even need to make the connection here?

So bring on the changes, ’cause unlike middle school, you already have a pretty good idea of who you are and what you are going to do with the rest of your life.

Happy Friday APOOO.

Here We Go Again by Djuanna Brockington is a post from: APOOO

Save The Ta-Tas by Djuanna Brockington

Djuanna Brockington — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:00:05 +0000

I saw the phrase “save the ta-tas” on a bumper sticker on the back of a car about a year ago and I fell in love. I thought it was great marketing, and everyone knows what it means, thanks to the accompanying pink ribbon.

Since October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I decided to do a brief post listing some resources – you know, just in case folks want to read up on some things.

And keep in mind that African American women who are diagnosed with breast cancer have a higher mortality rate than any other group.

Sigh.

We’ve got a lot of work to do in our community regarding this issue.

So, check out these resources:

So, make sure you get your boobies felt up this month, if you haven’t done so already. And don’t forget to celebrate with anyone that you know is a survivor.

Every day is a gift.

Save The Ta-Tas by Djuanna Brockington is a post from: APOOO

Happy New (Rest of The) Year by Djuanna Brockington

Djuanna Brockington — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 12:00:43 +0000

This is my favorite time of year. The temps are starting to drop and new beginnings abound. The tourists return home, the kids return to school, and I can return to my hermit like behavior.

For some reason, I feel like I have to be social during the summer. Take advantage of the warm weather and the sunshine. Like it’s a crime to be inside on a beautiful summer day.

Not so with fall. Cooler weather, jeans and boots, and cozy sweaters. Yay me. But best of all are those fall days when it’s chilly and gray and you’ve got a pile of great books waiting to be read and endless cups of tea for sipping. Now that is heaven on Earth.

Back when I was a student, the start of school marked the beginning of my year. Once my daughter was school-aged, that only solidified things. So not only is fall the time of chilling and relaxing, it’s also the start of my “mental” new year. Calendars be damned.

So, after not writing for a month, I’m back in the saddle, and I have to say that I have missed it much. I started writing for APOOO last September. Hard to believe it’s been a year already. I have loved the interaction with you guys, and I’m looking forward to a great year of letting our hair down about living, loving, and whatever else comes to mind.

Happy New Year Ladies. Tell me, what does fall mean to you?

(PS- All of your condolences regarding the loss of my sister are greatly appreciated.)

Happy New (Rest of The) Year by Djuanna Brockington is a post from: APOOO

Things My Sister Taught Me by Djuanna Brockington

Djuanna Brockington — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 12:00:20 +0000

On Thursday, July 30^th, 2009, my sister Chantell Monique Sanders died. We simply called her Wendy- one of those dumb family nicknames with questionable origins that stuck. She had been sick for a few years, and the family had come close to losing her at least twice in the last four years. The last time she went into the hospital, she didn’t come home.

It’s hard and already, I miss her lots. But today’s post isn’t about loss; it’s about lessons. Although my sister was two years younger than me, most folks thought she was the oldest. That’s because of her presence. She was no nonsense, and take charge from an early age. I learned not from what she said, but from what she did.

Make no mistake- Wendy was no saint. She worked hard, and partied even harder, but she also loved her family and was very loyal. Woe unto the person that crossed her or someone she loved. She could be hell on wheels.

Wendy taught me to never apologize for who I am or where I come from. When she walked in a room, she was her truest self. If she was there, obviously she belonged there. If anyone thought any differently, her attitude was “f*ck them, that’s their problem.” I adapted that attitude way later in life than she would have liked. That was her mindset from the very beginning.

You are your sister’s keeper. This Wendy took seriously. And it didn’t just apply to her biological sisters. It applied to any woman she called a friend. Once, a friend of hers called and asked for help. Her husband was drunk and being abusive. Wendy headed to the house- no questions asked. When she got to the house actually let my sister in. He began to threaten Wendy, who stood her ground and told him that if he was going to try her, he better take her down because she was not leaving without her friend and the kids. He stepped aside and let her do what she was there to do. Nobody got hurt. But he knew Wendy was serious. She later maintained that she was never in any danger, but her friend and I knew differently. That was the kind of friend my sister was.

But the most important thing that Wendy taught me was to do me. She lived her life according to her own rules. She wasn’t religious by any means, but always believed that she and God had an understanding. Her God is love, and he loved her- warts and all. She could never understand why someone would not be honest about who they are and what they want, so she didn’t have a lot of room for foolishness. And while she might give me a hard time for being so “straight laced”, nobody else better even think about doing the same.

I was very luck to have Wendy for a sister.

Things My Sister Taught Me by Djuanna Brockington is a post from: APOOO

Old Traps by Djuanna Brockington

Djuanna Brockington — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 12:00:34 +0000

As much as I am always talking about being true to myself and getting cured of the disease to please, I have to admit that I occasionally find myself having momentary lapses. This week, my lapse involves boot camp and a friend. Now first off, let me tell you that Friend T has an issue. (Don’t we all?) Once she commits to something or someone, she feels like she can’t break it. That it’s a sign of weakness to not follow through. Me, on the other hand- well, I just don’t have that problem. I think it’s perfectly OK to change your mind. Circumstances change, feelings change, shit happens. All part of life. Of course, there has to be some balance. A person should be trustworthy and consistent. But that is not the stuff I’m talking about today.

I’m talking about things like: saying you think you want to try a boot camp, and then deciding- nah, maybe not. Or just admitting that you are too lazy to get up at 5 am, drive 30 minutes, workout for an hour, drive the 30 minutes it takes to get back home, and then start your day. The evening walks will suffice for now, thank you very much.

And that is what has happened to me recently. A couple of months ago, Friend T decided that she wanted to do boot camp. My response: that sounds good. I should do that. I need to work on my tummy. Blah, blah, blah. All the things you say when a friend is starting something new. Except what Friend T heard was: I will do that with you come hell or high water. Seriously, I’m thinking about taking her to get her hearing checked.

And on Tuesday, the barrage began.

You said you would come. (I don’t wanna.)

It’s only an hour. (I don’t wanna.)

How are you going to know if you’ll like it or not if you don’t try it? (I don’t wanna.)

I thought you said you wanted to get rid of your tummie? (Ohhh- below the belt. And still. I don’t wanna.)

This is just another sign of your commitment issues. (Seriously, I’m about to jump through the phone now. I. Don’t. Want. To.)

This went on for an hour.

And I finally acquiesced (code for bitched up).

By the time you read this, I will have been to boot camp and back. And I’m pretty sure I will be tired, sore, and pissy (as in attitude).

I did tell Friend T that from now on, when she hears me say I’m interested in something, she needs to understand that I’m marinating on it. Nothing more or less. Interest and commitment are not the same thing.

Come on. I know y’all have some stories about when you fell into old traps. Please help me out today-tell me I am not alone. :-) Happy Friday APOOO.

Old Traps by Djuanna Brockington is a post from: APOOO

Wearing Anger As A Mask by Djuanna Brockington

Djuanna Brockington — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:30:08 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, I was in Target doing my weekly thing up and down the aisles, when a young black female, in her late teens, early 20s, brushed past me in the shoe section. I was looking at cheap flip flops to wear to the beach. As I turned to look at her, I realized that she was glaring. The girl she was with turned to me and said “excuse us”, and then skittered behind her. I heard the Mean Girl say “I can speak for myself” as they moved along.

Now, you know me. My first reaction was to snap off a smart ass comment and keep rolling. Rudeness works on my one good nerve. But something about that girl’s face struck a chord with me. I quickly perceived that the scowl was not specifically for me. Instead, it seemed like the normal state for her face. Her comment to her friend only confirmed that for me.

As I continued walking through the store, I thought about the young lady and what could be going on with her. And then I thought back to the time in my life when I wore my anger as a mask. I didn’t want anyone to be able to see my true feelings of fear and anxiety. I instantly felt a connection with the angry stranger. My anger surfaced in my 30s. Raising kids is no easy feat. Raising kids by yourself even harder. For the first time in my life, I began to allow myself to really be pissed off. The anger coursed through my veins like hot lava. I would actually get physically hot and my heart rate would increase. I would concentrate my anger onto the person that dared offend me with laser-like precision, my sharp tongue at the ready. Calling me a hot head would be putting it mildly.

It wasn’t long before I realized that my anger was coming off of me in waves. People could feel it without me ever having to open my mouth. Male friends would tell me that I LOOKED like I didn’t take any shit and was unapproachable. My mask was a warning not to screw with me because I would not be an easy target. I was fine with that message. It meant that I was in control, or so I thought. The anger was taking a toll on me. My migraines were increasing, I was isolating myself, and my rages were getting scarier. I eventually became concerned about the example that I was setting for my daughter.

I started to look inward and began to do the work necessary to move forward in my life. I still get angry, but these days, it’s about things that matter (mostly). And then I try to use the anger as motivation to move in a positive direction. What I learned is that anger destroys from the inside out. What I was inflicting on others was temporary. I what I was inflicting on myself was lasting.

I saw Mean Girl again before I left the store. I whispered “Namaste” (the yoga saying that means “the light in me honors the light in you”) to her as I passed. I hope she felt it soul deep.

What masks do you wear?

Wearing Anger As A Mask by Djuanna Brockington is a post from: APOOO

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson

Djuanna Brockington — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:38:30 +0000

I had a post all planned for today. Just couldn’t write it last night.

I know Yas won’t mind, so today, I just want to honor the spirit of MJ. He provided the soundtrack for millions of lives.

Smooth Criminal- best dance sequences EVA’.

Too many songs to name.

What’s your favorite MJ song or video APOOO?

Rest in Peace Michael Jackson is a post from: APOOO

Just Say No to Being Complacent by Djuanna Brockington

Djuanna Brockington — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 12:30:47 +0000

You worked hard to get where you are. Time to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Let someone else worry about the climb. You have earned the right to rest on your laurels.

Except, have you ever noticed that the folks who are considered “successful” are always into something. Even when they don’t need the money, or the accolades, or the name recognition. There are those community mothers who are known by everyone and keep going until they can’t go anymore. The Seth Godins on the Internet who have made a name and a fortune, and yet continue to come up with new ideas and impart wisdom to their many followers along the way. And yep, there is even that group of billionaires who got together to figure out how they can collectively give away even more money than they already do.

A couple of months after I made the break from my full-time gig, I was having a conversation with a trusted friend and she called me adventurous. I had to stop her in mid- sentence and disagree with her. She had a hearty laugh and reminded me that it is often difficult to see yourself the way other people see you. And when she began to layout all the things that I had done since she’s known me, I began to think she was right- about my inability to see myself the way others do, but especially about calling me adventurous. If she had said those exact same things about someone else, I would have agreed wholeheartedly and without hesitation.

But my adventurous spirit is not about “doing” fun, wild, or scary things. It’s more about “being” a better person. I try to challenge myself to get to the next level, and the next, and lately, I have been challenging myself to create new levels and paradigms. Who says I have to do it the regular way? So, if I find myself in a fun, wild, or scary situation on my way to being a better mother, lover, writer, friend then it’s all good.

This writing thing is the scariest thing I’ve done in a while. And the most fulfilling. Funny how that works. If it all goes according to my plan- groovy. If not, the fun was in the doing, and I hope I learned a lot of good lessons. Either way, I feel more alive now than I have in a very long time.

When was the last time you pushed your own personal or professional limits?

Just Say No to Being Complacent by Djuanna Brockington is a post from: APOOO

Hot Fun in the Summertime by Djuanna Brockington

Djuanna Brockington — Fri, 29 May 2009 13:30:33 +0000

Summer is just around the corner. Cook outs, vacations, trips to the beach, cooling off in a darkened theater. Having fun and hanging with your peeps is the name of the game. At least, that’s the case for most of us.

Not me.

Right now, I am on fire with new business ideas. I’m also about to make a huge move in my relationship (literally and figuratively), and I’m transitioning into a new phase in parenting.

More about the business when I’m ready to launch.

The Man and I are moving in together in a couple of weeks. This is HUGE for me. Not only am I sharing my life with him, but we will also be sharing our living space on a permanent basis. I’m sure there will be some minor adjustments, but I am really looking forward to it. It has been a very long time since I lived with another adult.

As for parenting, The Girl will start high school this fall, and her father and I agreed a few years ago that she would live with him for high school. It was a hard decision, but I really think it’s a good one- mainly because I feel that girls need their dad’s influence the most when they start dating. The Ex will be able to give The Girl insight into the male adolescent psyche way better than I ever could. I didn’t get them when I was an adolescent myself, and I sure as hell don’t get them now.

You would think that I would be pulling out my hair right about now, with all of the changes ahead of me. I’m actually excited about the future and energized by the changes. I’m taking risks as an entrepreneur, a girlfriend, and a mother.

And a good time will be had by all (or else).

What do you have going on this summer?

Hot Fun in the Summertime by Djuanna Brockington is a post from: APOOO

Sacred Moments by Djuanna Brockington

Djuanna Brockington — Fri, 15 May 2009 12:00:28 +0000

Some people have activities that they hold sacred.

A cup of tea in the stillness of the morning before the rest of the household is awake.

A monthly pampering session at the spa.

Strolling through the bookstore on a lazy Sunday morning before all the church folk arrive.

These activities rejuvenate and revive us. They are not luxuries; they are necessities. And yet, they are often the first things that get cast aside when schedules get hectic or crazy.

I’ve been terribly remiss in my self-care lately. I’ve got lots of excuses for it, but it simply boils down to the fact that I always put myself last.

I’m in need of some fresh ideas.

I’m getting back on the wagon. Hit me up with your sacred moments. What do you do to take care of yourself that you won’t back burner for anyone else?

Sacred Moments by Djuanna Brockington is a post from: APOOO

APOOO » Musings of a Mid-Life Diva

Here We Go Again by Djuanna Brockington

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