Celebrating Single in a World of Pairs
By Suzanne Bird-Harris • Jul 21st, 2008 • Category: Motivational Monday •
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A friend of mine was recently lamenting that she’s been taking a lot of heat lately for being single. Everyone (except me) in her world is pressuring her to find a man and get married already! She is, 99% of the time, quite happy being alone, doesn’t feel like she’s missing out on anything and enjoys her life the way it is. Yet she’s concluded there must be something ‘wrong’ with her; she must not be ‘normal’.
I was quick to assure her that, from my perspective as a personal coach, I suspect the world would be a much happier place overall if more people were comfortable with being alone and spending time in their own company.
So many people are in relationships that don’t serve them and who they really are simply because they don’t want to be alone. They figure someone is better than no one, that alone automatically equals lonely. I disagree. The loneliest lonely I’ve ever felt was when I was with the wrong ’someone’.
Today I, like my friend, am single and I love it. I suspect I won’t be single the rest of my life, but if it turns out that way, I know it won’t be the end of the world. I’d far rather be ME and alone than be in a relationship and lonely. She and I agreed to celebrate being single in a world of pairs.
What say you, APOOO? Can you celebrate being single? Even Between the Sheets?
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Suzanne Bird-Harris is a web designer, coach, blogger, speaker, mother, grandmother and student of life and living. She will "unass your website" so it works for you, not againstyou in a way that gives you autonomy you can grow into. She'll do the same thing for you by coaching you through the learning curves of creating the life you really want to live. Visit Suzanne and download your copy of her e-books, "WordPress: What's In It For Me?" and "Go to the Balcony to Get a Grip".
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I believe everyone should have a period in their lifetime where they are alone. I just said to my daughter the other day, there’s never been a time in my life where I was alone. I went from being a daughter and a sister to being a mother and a wife. I never knew how it feels to solely be dependent on ME to be happy.
In a way I believe I did a disservice to myself, because I don’t now if I can live alone for months or even years. I know I relish the few days I get here and there, but I can handle a day to a week by myself. I can’t say what would happen after that time.
I believe if we all took the time to be alone we would appreciate our independence, which in the long run would help out a marriage or long time relationship, because neither party would be come so dependent on the other that they lose their own identity and agenda. You can still be happy if for some reason you are kept apart for a lengthy period of time.
Exactly, exactly, EXACTLY!! So well put, Jennifer!! And as for whether or not you could live alone for months or even years - you can begin now to take time for yourself, pursue interests solely your own, and get to really know yourself as a person, separate from the roles you play in life. Then, if and when life changes for you and requires you to be alone, it won’t be such a jolting adjustment.
Suzanne Bird-Harris’s last blog post..Trust, Then Verify
Amen! I couldn’t have said it better.
Hi Suzanne!
Love the post and yes I can definitely celebrate being alone…but I tend to be a loner by nature. Sure, I have a good time when I’m around others but I have to make myself interact with folks…including my family…lol. Probably one of the reasons I’m always up late at the night…it’s the time when there’s no one awake but me…hehe.
I don’t know why so many folks pester HAPPILY SINGLE folks to get married? Why? Given that half of all marriages end in divorce…why push someone to do something just because of the status quo. I’m happily married but I believe I also could have been happily single because I LIKE ME and march to my own tune and beat. I was 34 when I got married and did it because I wanted to rather than because I had to or felt compelled to.
To everyone who wants to be married, I say I hope you will…but at the same time I don’t pester anyone to do it because it’s more than a notion..truth be told…it’s a hell of a lot of work.
But let’s talk about how many folks are married and miserable…and these are some of the same folks encouraging others to join the club…because misery does love company.
I’ve celebrated being single and being married and I believe that we should embrace BOTH of them…but on our terms and not because we’re influenced by others. Oh and Between the Sheets…hmmm some of my best times were had when I was single…hehe.
xoxo
I am 41 and single and have no complaints about it. Yes I have had people ask me why I’ve not jumped the broom, but you know what? In the last three years, I have run across old friends and former classmates - some who are grandparents…GRANDPARENTS…and they tell me I made a wise choice to stay single and some even added that if they could turn back the hands of time, they would have had a longer thought on marriage and children.
I am not against marriage…at one time I thought I would be married before 30, but God had different plans for me. Right now I am coming back from a fling with a guy younger than me. He was mature and has a great future in front of him with the career path he has chosen, but we had our fun and mutually ended it on friendly terms and we keep in touch. I was not hunting for a husband and was not hunting for this guy…he chased me. In light of what I am doing now - promoting a book I co-wrote and indulging in other literary projects - I don’t have time to consider marriage. And I am ok with it, because I am not ready to even think about it.
I attended a beautiful wedding this past weekend and one popular questions asked was - “are you next?”
If I meet the “right” guy for me then I will get married; however I won’t settle so until that time I’ll remain single.
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Shelia–I used to hate that ‘are you next’ question…and then after I got married it was ‘are you next for kids.’ Hmmm, of course, they didn’t have to wait long for that one. LOL.