The Right Fit by Djuanna Brockington
By Djuanna Brockington • Oct 24th, 2008 • Category: Free Flow Friday, Musings of a Mid-Life Diva •
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After my divorce, it became apparent that I had a “type” when it came to dating. Tall, dark chocolate, smart, ambitious, confident to the point of arrogance, extroverts with hot bods.
And then two years ago a co-worker and I took notice of one another. We began working closely together due to a set of circumstances not of our own making. We realized that it would be easier to get the job done if we knew a little about each other, so we began the tenuous journey towards a friendship. What we discovered is that we were both going through some stuff- his personal, mine professional- and we were able to support one another through our individual crises while discovering our commonalities.
But that is just the beginning of the story.
My honey, referred to here in the blog as “The Man”, did not fit my profile. Sort of. My friends were shocked but curious when I told them we were dating. They never saw it coming. And neither did I.
You see, The Man is tall, smart, established in his career, confident to the point of arrogant, and an introvert with a hot bod. But he’s white chocolate. Nowhere near dark. And no, I don’t mean high yellow, or light bright and damn near- I mean white.
No big deal, right? Unless you were born and bred in the South. Where women in my age range may have been told by their family that a white man will lay with you, but he will never take you home to meet his mama. So, white guys were never on my dating radar.
You can imagine my surprise when The Man pursued me with a vengeance. He had never dated outside of his race either, for the record. At first, I think I was slightly amused. I have been approached over the years by a white male a time or two. I was flattered, but kept stepping. Chalked it up more to their curiosity than real interest in me as a person. But with The Man, I knew him as a friend. We worked together (and at the time, I had a strict policy of not dating anyone I worked with). He knew about my conflicted feelings about the attorney/lover/friend, my love ‘em and leave ‘em attitude, and my desire to write. I knew about marriages One and Two, his songwriting, and his unshakable faith and spirituality. We were friends. I didn’t want that to change.
But I said yes to the first date anyway. And the next date, and the next date, and the next date.
And my family members were wrong. I met his mother and the entire brood. And he has met mine. And since he had no prior messages from a childhood spent in Milwaukee, WI regarding dating black women to overcome, he was patient while I worked through my reservations. And I am so glad that I did.
We get some interesting looks when we are out. A conservatively dressed black female with this 6′ 5″ rocker dude with short spiky hair, tattoos, earrings in both ears, and the body of an Adonis. That is the outside. What they don’t see is the inside. Two people who are more alike than not. Two people who are introverted and creative. Two people who are strong-willed, yet willing to bend. Two people who finish each other’s sentences then laugh about it. Two people who love each other and are happy to have found the right fit in an unexpected package.
Have you found your fit and are they your “type”?
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Djuanna Brockington is is a Southern Diva who knows about mid-life. Once she hit her 40s, life as she knew it no longer made sense. What she wanted and what she was experiencing, both personally and professionally, were not matching up, so she started seeking change. Be careful what you wish for. After 19 years of service, Djuanna left full-time employment in the public sector for life as a consultant and writer. When she is not chasing the dollars to pay the bills, she is enjoying her family and friends, reading whatever she can get her hands on, and working on that elusive novel. Visit Djuanna on the web at http://www.divafictionbytes.com
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I’m happy that you’re so happy! It shines through your post.
After long, long years with one man and not having been “out there” it’s a brave new world for me. It’s interesting, that’s for sure. In my recent travels, I have met two men who couldn’t be more opposite! Oh, and do I mean opposite (lol) Take a little bit of one and a little from the other, and “he” could definitely be my type, whenever the time comes. I’ll just have to wait and see…and call on somebody for help in navigating the 21st centurydating waters
Thanks Niambi. I am indeed happy. As for dating these days- my advice is to know what you DON’T want, as much as what you do want. It will narrow the field rather quickly. LOL
Congrats Djuanna!!! It doesn’t matter- he can be purple , orange and green, but as long as it works for the two of you then that’s all that matters. My “type” – I know what it is, an I have come across some here and there who meets some of the “requirements” (for lack of a better word), but not all and unfortunately they didn’t have enough of the requirements to make me settle. But I am keeping hope alive.
Congratulations! It really does not matter how the package of love is created, as long as there is equal parts in making everything work.
Me, I have not found my type…
it is funny how I came across this after writing a journal entry about a guy I met earlier this year and I am shaking off as we speak. Meeting people in my profession(journalism) is kind of crazy, especially when positive changes happen – like my first published book – and three times the men I have encountered were met through my doing a story on them. Each one gave the notion of keen interests and I put my guard down and take my time getting to know the person…but that other shoe drops regardless. and I get disgusted with myself. I try to take each incident as lessons and now I am at the point of just stepping back until I am fully ready.
I do have a type – and each guy had a little bit of it…but a lot of crap added on.
What a wonderful post. I like your style. Most black women who date white men claimed they had no reservations and what difference does it make. I think that the fact you took in all the dynamics and realized this was the right fit and embraced it. You have been blessed.
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Congrats! That is the best feeling in the world to know that you actually can love someone and they love you with the same intensity. I just turned 40 this year and it has taken me this long to find the man of my dreams… funny thing is is that he was right ther in front of my face the whole time! Not even one that I considered. It was just a fluke that we even started talking! Funny thing again is that I’ve known him since kindergarten…all the way through high school but never “hooked” up with him until now. He is amazing and a refreshing change to what I have dated in the past and through the other relationships and him, I am well aware of what i want and what I dont want. A lot of our mutual friends are shocked because they would have never considered us a match at all …especially after all of these years. He is good for me and I am for him. My point… you are blessed to have him and he, you. Doesnt matter what color he is…love has no color… just an awesome, beautiful and fulfilling feeling that very few are able to truly experience. So when you find it, keep it and cherish it.
That is awesome. I believe I’ve found and been with the right fit for the last almost 15 years. I talk a lot he doesn’t. He is strong willed and so am I. True love and a soul male is rare, but beautiful to see.
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Your post was great…real and genuine. Love doesn’t know color. I truly believe there is that “one” for everybody. Sometimes you have to go through a few relationships to allow yourself to grow and be open when that person comes along.
Some people are so different yet so much alike as you have put it in your post.
Congrats to you!
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I began reading the writings of The Man (my brother whom I refer to as MPH) in September; I found his writings to be honest, refreshing, and insightful.
I’m so very happy for the both of you.
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