I blog about everything else…so I saw it only fitting to blog about what I’m feeling today.  Let me preface this by saying that I’m writing this for me…and no one else…so if you’re emotional or get upset easily then this is a blog you might want to by-pass.  So here goes…straight and no chaser.  

I still can’t believe she’s gone. 

 I’m on a two-week vacation that begin last Monday, December 21st.

To say that I’ve slept in every day and done things at my own leisurely pace is an understatement.

Although today I was up around 7:30am…just couldn’t sleep anymore.  Not sure if it was because I knew what the day would entail or if I just needed that 1.5 hours to reflect.  To think.  To ponder.  To spend by myself…just me and a cup of coffee and Dina.

Only 9 days since we last saw each other.

I was leaving church and you and Susan were standing on the corner…Susan blowing me kisses and you smiling and waving…’see you later.’

Only 5 days since I got the call.

You’re gone.

I didn’t realize that Sunday, Dec. 21st would be the last time I would ever see your face.

From 10 am  – 5 pm I was out of the house today; the longest amount of time I’ve probably spent from home during my entire vacation.  LOL.

Gosh, it’s so hard to say goodbye!

Today wasn’t how I ever planed to spend this day…but God had other plans. 

Last week…he looked down on one of his children…and said well done, my good and faithful servant and in the twinkling of an eye, you were gone.  At only 49 years old gone.  You had survived tongue cancer three years ago…and was the picture of health…even had an EKG done (becomes routine as we age)…but clean bill of health.  Oh so we thought.  Cause of death–cardiac arrest, natural causes.

She’s gone…my soror/sister, Verdina Yvette Showell, gone.  She leaves behind to mourn her loss, twelve-year old twins, an older daughter (and soror who finished medical school last year and is now doing her residency in pediatrics..yeah we’re very proud of her), her mother, her sister, her brother, nieces/nephews, in-laws and a host of extended family and friends.

SHOCK. SURPRISED. UNPREPARED. KNOCKED OFF MY FEET.  THE WIND KNOCKED OUT OF MY SAILS.  So surreal…still so hard to believe. 

Unfortunately, I’ve attended a lot of funerals in the past several years.  More than I can count.  Even though I know that all of us are on loan and are only here for a short period of time, I don’t look forward to funerals–to any of them. 

But Dina’s funeral was probably one of the best I’ve ever attended in my entire life.

Yes, very emotional and I was spent when the day was over–there was the Ivy Beyond the Wall Ceremony, the funeral service (two and a half hours), gathering up everyone to go to the cemetery (that took awhile…lol), the funeral procession (it was LONG), going to the cemetery (hubby was a pallbearer), then back to the church for the repast…but what really stood out was

APRIL 1, 1959 – DECEMBER 24, 2008

It was never more obvious than today that what we do between the time we’re born and the time we die is what counts.  Dina did so much and positively affected so many in the forty-some years that she was here.  Each of us was sincerely and geniunely impacted by her life.  Reflections extended from childhood teachers…neighborhood friends..to best friends…family members…civic organizations…board members…and  employers…there wasn’t a dry eye in the church by the time we left.

Can I say I was in awe…why you wonder?  Because I had the pleasure of being her friend/soror/sister.  That during the short time she spent on earth she truly made a difference.  She accomplished so much in such a small timespan.  If I could accomplish half of what she has done by the time I depart this earth…and positively impact as many folks as she has then I would  truly have lived a Christ-like life and maybe I will also hear God say…”Well Done, My Good and Faithful Servant.”

Dina, you left us too soon.  But, God knew otherwise.  I like to believe that when we go before what others think is our time, it’s because God believes that we’ve done all we were supposed to do on earth and it’s time to take us home. In so many regards, I felt that your life was only beginning and that you have so much more to share with us right here.  But, when I read  your obituary, listened to your eulogy, and looked at the legacy you left behind, I was like who am to question God.  He picked you for a reason.  It’s going to be hard not seeing your smile or never hearing your voice again, but you left each of us with a wealth of memories to last a lifetime.  You are gone but not forgotten…and you’re probably up there saying…”Wow, they really liked me.  Wow, they really loved me.  Wow, I DID ALL OF THAT.  Wow, they thought all of that.”

Wow, YES…soror you left some hard shoes to fill.  If only I could be half the woman you were, I will have lived a full life.  Until we meet again sis…you have given me the inspiration to be kinder, gentler, warmer, more compassionate and more philantrophic individual…because when I leave here I want to make sure that I see you again–Verdina Yvette Showell.

XOXO

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