Having just celebrated Independence Day here in the States, independence has been on my mind all weekend long. I am the oldest of four girls. My sisters and I were raised to believe there was nothing we couldn’t accomplish if we worked hard and set our minds to it. We were told to study hard, get good grades, go to college, get a career and not be dependent financially on a man. Marry if we want to, but not because we ‘have’ to.

Great advice, I’m here to tell you, and I’m passing it along to my own daughter, to be sure. I will, however, caution her against thinking that she’s to become totally independent. Total independence, in my opinion, is no better a state than dependence.

One of the drawbacks of having grown up with this idea that there’s no limit to what I can do or who I can become is that I also had nothing to go by and nothing to rail against. Nowhere in my life has this been more a problem than in relationships with men. Trust me, most men, even today, don’t know what to make of a woman who appears to need nothing.

But therein lies the illusion - no woman, no man, no country, for that matter - is truly independent. We are all interdependent. We need each other, whether ‘we’ is ‘us’ as individuals, or ‘us’ as countries. Total independence is a myth. Not only is it next to impossible, it’s just not good for us. Neither is dependence.

What is good for us is to recognize our interdependence. We each have something to offer that someone else really needs. We are here to be our real selves, and it is our responsibility to do so - in our work, in our relationships, in our lives. Frederich Buechner said, “Vocation is where your deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.” I submit it’s much more than vocation…it’s what life is all about.

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