Out of Your League? Think Again
By Suzanne Bird-Harris • Jul 28th, 2008 • Category: Motivational Monday •
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The most eye-opening thing I’ve heard in weeks is a close friend of mine say out loud, “Oh no, I could never be with him - he’s way out of my league,” and really mean it. I looked at her, opened my mouth…and shut my mouth, opened my mouth again…and shut my mouth again and just shook my head, instead. She looked at me and asked quizzically, “What?!”
My friend is an attractive young woman, every bit as attractive as the young man in question, and then some. Beyond that, she is smart, loving, caring, fun and independent. Never in a million years would I have expected to hear something like that out of her. I asked her what made her say he was out of her league and all of her answers had to do with her own fears and insecurities, conclusions she had come to about herself and her place in this world.
I realized, we all do that, to one degree or another. We all have come to our own conclusions about who we are, what we deserve in this life and the rules by which we must abide. The thing is, though - the only constant we have in this life is change - and because of that, our perception of ourselves and the rules by which we live can become outdated rather quickly. In that light, the directive ‘to thine own self be true’ can be quite the full-time job, but one well worth the time spent, I assure you.
What comes along with a deep understanding of who you are is a security unlike any other. Confidence rooted in this security is not arrogant or overbearing and is what allows us to take risks, to challenge long-held beliefs, to adjust to life’s constant change with any amount of grace, and to create a life and connect with others in a way that serves not only ourselves but everyone around us. It’s then you realize there really aren’t any ‘leagues’ to be in or out of and what’s possible for you is limited only by your thinking.
Think someone or something is out of your league? Think again.
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Suzanne Bird-Harris is a web designer, coach, blogger, speaker, mother, grandmother and student of life and living. She will "unass your website" so it works for you, not againstyou in a way that gives you autonomy you can grow into. She'll do the same thing for you by coaching you through the learning curves of creating the life you really want to live. Visit Suzanne and download your copy of her e-books, "WordPress: What's In It For Me?" and "Go to the Balcony to Get a Grip".
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Great advice Suzanne. No one is out of our league, and no dreams are too big to dream and achieve. It is all about working hard and striving for what we want.
Unfortunately, we are human and tend to be the toughest critic there is when it comes to ourselves. It’s a hard barrier to break thinking that we are not worth as much as another. I think we miss out on a lot because of this type of stinking thinking.
The last time I felt like that was in high school. LOL. I was in love with the hottest football player and all around popular guy. I saw the kind of girls he had dated and I didn’t fit the mold, and although I had my share of attention and I felt reasonably comfortable about my looks, I considered myself out of his league. When I look back at it, that was a part of my being young and insecure.
Jennifer–yes we need to overcome this type of stinking thinking…lol.
Dera–as I’ve said before…youth is wasted on the young. Hmmm…now do you know what he’s doing today…hehe.
What helped me so much along the way was having a mother, aunts, godmother and grandmother who constantly reinforced my worth…so I never felt anyone was too good for me, the only struggle I remember having was about being so tall, but in sixth grade when I was taller than everyone I was told, “Hold your shoulders and head up, don’t ever slouch to reach down, stand tall and make them look up”…Thanks to my ancestors!
angelia
WWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! This came at the right time for me.The universe works in mysterious ways. I was just going through something similar. Not over a man but reagrding my dreams/goals. I recently spoke to a friend with whom I hadn’t spoken to in months. We can go months without speaking, but as soon as I pick up the phone, we start back where we left off. Its as if time or space never passed between our last pow-wow. I think everyone has someone like that. Anyhoot, I was telling her that I am starting to feel a lot of anxiety. I have/had so many things that I wanted to accomplish before turning 35. And now with less than a year to go I feel like a failure. I have barely cracked the top ten on my “to accomplish before I’m 35 list”. She told me, like no other could or would, that the only thing that ever stood in my way was ME. I start so many things and have so many great ideas, yet I never see them through. She told me that I lacked the confidence to carry out my goals. ME!!!??? She had to be crazy!! She of all people have witnessed all that I HAVE accomplished.Yeah well, she had also seen my “failures” too. I have a tendency to put things off or just plain CHICKEN OUT. In spite of all my accomplishments there’s still a little voice somewhere that says–oh no that’s out of your league. You can’t accomplish THAT. Its crazy how with what ‘ve achieved I still have issues with FEAR. Fear that keeps me from actually writing those novels I have wanted to since childhood(I’m not in the same league as “real” writers, right?). Fear of branching out and thinking outside of the box when it comes to career and financial issues(Who do I think I am. I’m not in the same league as those financially savy folk). Fear of relocating to that ideal, serene little place that’s far away from family and friends but would bring such a new perspective to my life( I would be out of my league/my comfort zone somewhere else without my loved ones. Who would I turn to if ever I needed something or someone?). Having this converstaion was like a splash of ice cold water. I realized that yep, yep, I am my own enemy. There’s no invisible “they, it or them” that keeps me from checking off those goals on that list. Its me and that nasty little voice inside that says that this or that is out of my league. A little voice that says its too unpleaseant to look failure in the face and challenge it. A little voice that says big changes bring too much uncertainty. I am learning that playing it safe can be damn stiffling. I’m hoping that in my “old age” I learn soon that NOTHING is out of my league.
Raven, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I’m not a psychologist but I have taken a number of risks in my lifetime. And guess what…most of them worked out just fine…and when they didn’t it really wasn’t the end of the world. So, here’s a suggestion…start with the least risky task on your to do list. Don’t think about it…just do it…and work your way up.
Oh and moving…what about looking for a job in an area where you know one person…hmmm Harrisburg is a great place for teachers…lol…and say I’m going to try it out for a year…what’s the worst thing that can happen? Within that year you will find out either you love it or you hate it…and you can always move back to Chi-town.
xoxo
Speaking it means I acknowledge it. It was just dang eerie how this tied into what I just went through. Its like somebody is trying to tell me something. HHHHHMMMMMM!!!!!
I think part of my dang problem is that I LIKE being in control, no surprises. I think control freaks are reluctant to change, although its inevitable. Thanks for the suggestions!! You stated what my friend said. Look at the goal with the least “risk” and go for it. I will. Maybe I’ll start that novel, short story or article to jump start the writing. And actually send it to an agent, just to see what happens. After all John Grishom was turned down 28 times.The moving thing will probably come sooner than later. I am getting SICK of Chicago. Whew!! I think the whole city has gone nuts. It must be the unseasonably warm weather this year. We aint use to it here. We don’t know how to act when it isn’t zero below. LOL.
LOL regarding your home town…and I’m cheering for you and routing you on…oh yeah regarding control…I can be a control freak also…so if I can do it…guess what…I’m TELLING YOU…you can also.
As Nike says…JUST DO IT.
xoxo
Yas said: Dera–as I’ve said before…youth is wasted on the young. Hmmm…now do you know what he’s doing today…hehe.
John is still in Oakland, a businessman, has owned a couple of clubs and married a hometown girl who looks like “his type”. I still think he is hot. LOL. I don’t think it was ever about my feeling not worthy but I am a firm believer and some folks might not agree, at least in regards to setting your sights on a particular man. If you don’t know him,fine, you have nothing to go by BUT if you have had opportunity to observe and you see the kind of women he has been with, especially in looks and you do not possess those looks or features, then why give yourself grief when it doesn’t appear you would not fit the bill? I believe in self-preservation. Hee hee.
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Angelia said: so I never felt anyone was too good for me, the only struggle I remember having was about being so tall, but in sixth grade when I was taller than everyone I was told, “Hold your shoulders and head up, don’t ever slouch to reach down, stand tall and make them look up”…Thanks to my ancestors!
My sister is 5′ 11″ and she was that by the time she was in high school. My father, a tall man himself, told her the same thing, hold your head up and be proud and she has done that.
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Raven said: Fear that keeps me from actually writing those novels I have wanted to since childhood(I’m not in the same league as “real” writers, right?). Maybe I’ll start that novel, short story or article to jump start the writing. And actually send it to an agent, just to see what happens.
Raven, you don’t need an agent to submit an article or short story; you send it directly to the market you want. I have told you that you could start a blog, that is a good start and go back and get all those great commentaries you have been preaching to us on APOOO.
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Yas said: Oh and moving…what about looking for a job in an area where you know one person…hmmm Harrisburg is a great place for teachers…lol…and say I’m going to try it out for a year…what’s the worst thing that can happen? Within that year you will find out either you love it or you hate it…and you can always move back to Chi-town.
My daughter’s friend, Jerri, has been talking about moving out of state, as has Rebecca,but even though she had the same fears, she said she was going for it. Went online and looked for jobs and went on interviews last week to the Dallas area. Her mother is furious; won’t speak to her, worried about Jerri’s sickle cell episodes. But she figures she is almost 30, no kids and she should at least try.
Sometimes we can be our own worse enemy.
Shelia’s last blog post..Eye Candy for the Ladies
Dera–Understand and understood…:)
Regarding Jerri, since she has SC, I can understand her mom being overprotective. I have a soror who has sickle cell, she left home 30 years ago and never returned. She’s in Cali…doing just fine…sometimes parents impose their fears on their kids…and it’s not always a good thing.
Raven, have you tried a writing buddy? I have one and we bounce ideas off of each other and set loose goals, whether it’s a monthly goal or a weekly one. But most of all we make sure to ask about what the other has written and we give constructive criticism. Since we love each other dearly, we don’t mind.
We are both trying to get publishers to accept our work. I’m her cheering section and she’s mine. Don’t hold yourself back from your dreams.
Jennifer–good suggestion!
Thanks everyone for the wonderful words of encouragement. Dera, I will start that blog. I think it will help with much need writing skills. I know I have a heck of a lot to say about anything and everything. LOL I love APOOO for putting up with me. Jennifer, I never thought of a writng buddy, another grat idea. Now the key is to put all of this into action. Like Yas and Nike said—Just do it!! I am going to take a look at it this week. I will write out a little plan as to how and what I want the blog to be. I’m a teacher so I always have to “plan” it out before I implement it. Don’t ya just hate when you can’t shake some of those job skills/requirements. I will seek Yas’ help regarding the process/set-up. I know I’m in good hands now. LOL.
YIPPEE…and ain’t nothing wrong with planning…but now we’ve got to get you to WORK that plan…and I’ll be checking in on you quarterly…so hmmm I want an update on October 29th…hehe.
xoxo
I thought of this song…one of my favorites (Randy Crawford) Everything Must Change
SL–I like Randy Crawford and that song as well.
Speaking of people saying things are out of their league. One of my good friends a few years ago said something like what does she look like going from a neon to a mercedes. Now I was really surprised by her saying that. I thought why would a person think like that. I do not care if I have a hooptie and if I can get a mercedes after that I would do it.
Phyllis Ann–I’m with you…anything I’ve wanted bad enough I’ve been able to accomplish…now I realize there are a lot of things I want…but they’re not needs…and I don’t always feel like pursuing them…I’ve gotten lazy…lol.