Lovin’ Myself 

You ain’t gotta love me, because I love myself.

 I love the skin I’m in, the hue of my eyes, the wideness of my hips, the fullness of my thighs.

The kind of love that makes me wake up every morning, hair everywhere, bad breath, crusty  eyes, it’s all the same. I still look in the mirror and say, dang, girl, you look good.

The kind of love that’s happy being nappy, that sees nothing wrong with waking up alone,

that says don’t weep for me because my man left because I can find pleasure in pleasing myself.

I love me.

             I do a lot of speaking engagements and I like to start with that poem because I’m a firm believer in lovin’ myself.

            Now, some people may see that as vain. But anyone who knows me, knows I’m far from that. But I do believe that if I don’t love me the right way, the best way, how can I expect anyone else to do the same?

            I’ve seen us lose our mind in the name of love. Shoot, I remember beating up a girl in college because I caught her wearing my robe, in my boyfriend’s apartment at six in the morning. Ask me why I would jump her and not him? Better yet, ask me what I was doing fighting some chick in the first place. (I just know if I ever become rich and famous that story is going to appear in the tabloids). At the time, I felt like I was doing it in the name of love.  I loved him and she was jeopardizing that love.

            If I had known then, what I know now, I would’ve loved myself more. I would’ve loved myself enough not to belittle myself into fighting over a dude. I would’ve loved myself enough to walk away. I would’ve loved myself enough not to settle in the name of love.  After I beat her up (I shudder just thinking what would’ve happened had my mom known I was up at school acting a plum fool), anyway, after all that, I took him back and he messed up. Again and again and again. Until the day one of the girls he was cheating with tried to commit suicide when he informed her that she and I quote, was the “chick on the side” and I was the woman he loved. That day made me realize not only did he not love me (at least not like I deserved to be loved) but more importantly, I wasn’t loving myself.  It took power, prayer and perseverance to stand strong to my conviction and walk away. But when I did, when I learned to love myself above all else (besides God, of course), everything else fell into place.

I write some crazy, drama-filled tales of what women do in the name of love. I would love to say that it’s just my imagination at work, that I’m just this creative being. But the truth is, I have a lot of girlfriends. And I draw on their experiences (yes, they trip about it, but hey, if they don’t tell anyone that character is based on them, neither will I). One of the things that prevails most often is my friends who are in love with themselves are the happiest of all. Whether they’re married, single or married, yet still looking, if they’ve found their inner joy, they are much more fulfilled. If they’ve changed their attitude, they change their altitude.

By no means do I suggest by loving yourself, your life will be perfect (does that even exist), but I definitely believe it makes for a happier you…and loving yourself only makes you love someone else that much better.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

ReShonda is a national bestselling author of 17 books. Her sophomore novel, Let the Church Say Amen, is being made into a movie and national touring stageplay. which she is Executive Producer and actress Regina King is the director. Five of her other books, have also been optioned for film by CodeBlack Entertainment. The former TV news reporter’s books include Can I Get a Witness, The Pastor’s Wife, Let the Church Say Amen, Everybody Say Amen, I Know I’ve Been Changed and My Brother’s Keeper.  Her inspirational teen novels include Nothing But Drama, Blessings in Disguise, With Friends Like These, Getting Even, Fairweather Friends, and Friends ‘Til the End. She has one non-fiction title, Help! I’ve Turned into my Mother. ReShonda’s upcoming projects include The Devil is a Lie (July 2009), Holy Rollers (2010) and two more teen novels. She is married with three small children.

About the book….

If you’re looking to be enlightened, educated and entertained, you’ll definitely want The Devil is a Lie to your collection. Slated to be released July 7, it is about a woman who wins the lottery and when she goes to collect her money, she finds out her divorce was never finalized. Her ex shows up with the woman he left her for, demanding half her winnings. What would you do? Would you let anger and bitterness rule your decision? Would you let bygones be bygones or would you snap, “The Devil is a Lie” and fight him tooth and nail? You’ll have to read the book to find out what Nina Lawson does. But this book is more than just about a lotto win, it’s about finding the faith to forgive and how through triumph and tragedy, you can find out what really matters in life.

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