How Can I Motivate A Teenage Mother? by Rambling Raven
By APOOO • Mar 2nd, 2010 • Category: Rambling Raven •
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How Can I Motivate A Teenage Mother? by Rambling Raven
I am tutoring an eighth-grade student who is out of school for the next six weeks because she just gave birth. Yes, that is correct. I am tutoring a 13 year-old who is now the mother of a three week baby girl. As a teacher, to this student, the only thing that I am in charge of is giving this child an one hour tutoring section five days a week. However, the person that I am, I can’t just clock in for an hour a day and not get to know this young lady. I am very pleasant to the young lady and have tried to establish a rapport with her. I try very hard not to come across as judgmental. In fact, I have not even brought up the subject of the pregnancy. The only thing I told her was that although she has a lot more responsibilities now, it is not impossible to succeed. I told her that now more than ever she has to stay focused on her dreams and goals. I have spoken to her about the high schools she would like to attend, and what she would like to be in life. However, I don’t think that is enough.
On one of my visits, the student didn’t want to do much of anything. She was in a funky mood to say the least. I later detected that she and her mother had an argument before I arrived. I couldn’t dig deep as to what the issue was so I went out and purchased the young lady a journal. The next day I told her that the journal was a place to store her thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams. I told her that she doesn’t have to let anyone see the journal. It was just a place for her to release her frustrations. She later told me that she loves to write in it and she has been writing in it since the day I gave it to her.
My next discussion with the student was about books. She said that she doesn’t like to read. She said that read a lot from first to fifth grade, and then she stopped. I asked her why; she stated that reading got boring. She said the last book she read was by Zane. I told her that I was not ever going to bring her a Zane book at her age (I don’t care if she is a mother or not). I tried to extract from her what type of genres she likes. She just continued to put up a wall concerning reading. I have a book called Make Lemonade, about a 17 year-old mother who finds friendship and hope in a 14 year-old schoolmate. Yet, I am reluctant to give the book to this particular student because I don’t want to offend her or her mother with the subject matter of the book.
I have to admit that I am at a lost with this student. Through the conversations that I have had with her I know that she is embarrassed to return to school. I know that she is frustrated with having to complete her schoolwork and performing the tasks of a mother. I am fearful that she may not make it through high school. I try to be motivating to this child, yet I don’t want to over step my boundaries. It was made clear to me before I took on the assignment that the child has some family and emotional issues, but my only job is to provide her with one hour of tutoring a day. The teacher in me wants to do so much more. I want to take her parenting magazines and give her inspirational materials and books. I find this to be a teachable moment. It is too late to preach to her about the ills of teenage sex but I sure would like to help her on this long and difficult journey. What can I do when my hands are tied by the school system and by a distant parent?
Does anyone out there have any suggestions? Are there any books you have come across that may be helpful? How can I help to motivate this young lady when she doesn’t have any hobbies? The only thing that she has shown interest in is writing but I don’t know what to do with that when her journal is for her personal thoughts? Any suggestions would be gratefully appreciated.
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What comes across in this 13 y/o child/girl/woman is her tremendous anger. To deliver at 13 means she was sexually active at 11 or 12, or sooner. You mention the mother, but make no mention of the father. What was the girl’s parenting like….her supervision, expectations, controls, discipline? What needs of this child were not being met in the home that sent her looking for love & affection through sex? Recommendation: she needs some intense therapeutic intervention from a child/adolescent psychiatrist who can help her deal with her anger. Therapy will also help her grow up & mature. Being a mother at 13 isn’t necessarily the end of the world. But if she continues to seek affection through sex and gets pregnant again beore getting her education, it may well be.
Raven you are in a tough situation because even though you do not want to over step boundaries, your concerning heart wants to help this young lady as much as possible. I understand what she is going through because I was her and felt the same way she does now. I let my child be my motivation. My son’s smile, his cries, his laughter, and that he depended on me to take care of and keep him safe motivated me everyday. I too journaled to help me get through bouts of depression and shame but I didn’t let it keep me down.
Remind her that her child is depending on her and this is not the example she wants to set. She needs to be motivated in order to prepare her child for what is to come. Always continue to encourage her to pursue her education and goals. Let her know she is beginning milestones for her child and her child will follow in her footsteps but should be proud of the footstep he or she is following.
It also important for her to establish a support system (as I did) and this could be a family member other than her parents, a pastor, a counselor, and you of course. If the young lady is around other teen mothers going through the same things this will also help motivate. It help me just having others to talk to that understood what I was going through and it help all of us stay motivated. We were each others support system.
You being a positive presence in her life is helping. Keep talking to her, keep motivating her. I’m sure her family life is difficult. Letting her know there are other options out there for her will be a help
Raven, My name is Aileen Philpott, I live in Cleveland Ohio. I have a non-profit org. for teenage pregnant girls. I’m also in the process of opening a center in Dallas Tx. I have some information to share with you, I need to know what city your in. This can be such a personal matter so, if you would like I’ll give you my phone number in both cities. I’m working on a web-site so I can help others. It’s a very kind and nobel of you.
God Bless you
Aileen Philpott
allbme44118@yahoo.com
Raven, I can really tell this girl has touched something in you that wants to reach out. Like Uranie said, keep talking and being there for you and see what Aileen has to offer. Maybe this girl’s life can be turned around for the positive.
There was a book I read some years ago dealing with teenage mothers; Imani All Mine by Connie Ann Porter, Dorrie Williams Wheeler’s The unplanned Pregnancy Book for Teens and College Students; You did a great thing by giving her a journal, now just be there for her and keep her in your prayers.
I am 28 years old now. I had children at 15 and 19. I am a full time nursing student and my children are both honor roll students. They are very kind,humble and respectful. I was a teen mother once, but my children learned well from me and my family. I would talk to your student with honesty and directness. If you want respect then you need to give it. This is what I have learned. I use to work with children from the ages of 5-17. I know what your going through. Just don’t beat around the bush or sugar coat anything. Tell that young mother how it is. I do believe the road will be rough at first due to pride, and the fact that she may think she knows it all. Hang in there, but most importantly never give up on her, no matter how bad the relationship turns out. I will be fine eventually.