Reversing Roles with My Parents by Rambling Raven
By Raven • Oct 12th, 2009 • Category: Rambling Raven •
Email This Post
• 
Print This Post
Reversing Roles with My Parents by Rambling Raven
My father had a series of strokes a few weeks ago. I was terrified, as was the rest of the family. Illness is nothing new to our family. However, it was the very first time my siblings and I had to face it regarding one of our parents. I witnessed my parents experience the ugliness of illness and death with my grandparents, and although I was there I was protected from the harshness of it all. Mom and Dad were the ones who stood by hospital bedsides; they were the ones who made decisions and arrangements. My sisters and I were deemed too young to handle these things. And like most parents they wanted to shield and protect us from such things as long as possible.
Now, time has passed and the roles are reversing. My parents are getting on in years and when they are ill my sisters and I can no longer look to anyone to be that protective barrier between us and the pain of seeing a loved one seriously ill. We are the adults now and it falls on us to stand by hospital beds, to listen to a doctor’s diagnosis and to make decisions as to the care of a loved one.
As I stood by my father’s hospital bed I was struck by how fragile life can be but also how quickly time passes. Helping to make decisions about my father’s care made me realize that at some point in life I will replace my parents and move to the head of the family. There will come a time when I won’t be anyone’s “little girl” anymore. One day I will have to make “the arrangements”. There is a dark side about getting older and it has nothing to do with finding a gray hair, having my biological clock tick louder and louder with each passing day, or worrying about the small fine lines that are mysteriously creeping up around my eyes. No, getting older makes you more aware of the cycle of life. It makes you appreciate the people around you even more and reminiscent of times gone by.
Thank God, my father is doing better now. He needs speech therapy but he is expected to recover. The difficult task is making sure he doesn’t become a victim of another stroke. We are revamping his diet and lifestyle. I call daily to check in with him and my mother. My sisters and I take turns going over to our parents’ house to make sure that he is following doctor’s rules. In many ways we are parenting our parents. And although he gets a little frustrated with it all he knows we do it because we care. I do it for the love of my father but also for purely selfish reasons. I want to have my mom and dad around for as long as I possibly can because I don’t know how to be the matriarch of the family just yet. Nor do I want to be.
Related Posts
Raven is an educator with a B.A. in Psychology and a M.A. in Education. She has been an avid reader since childhood. Her favorite genres are mystery, suspense, and horror, although she will give any genre a try. She is a life long resident of Chicago. Her love of books opened her mind to people, places and events far beyond her Chicago home. Reading helped to shape her world and her opinion of the events that took place within it. No matter what demands her career requires of her, she has always found time to read and write in a journal. Along with reading and journaling, she loves to watch the sunset, and discuss hot topics with family and friends. She loves baseball, horror movies, mysteries, listening to music from every corner of the world and expressing her view of the latest books with the women of APOOO.
Email this author | All posts by Raven
Get New Posts via Email
I know what you mean, Raven! Parenting my parents has been the most defining role of my adult life!! My dad is also having some health challenges, and I find myself going with him to his doctor’s appointments, so I can hear things for myself! The same thing that he used to do for me! God knows that I’m not quite ready for this, but we do what we have to do! Best wishes for you, your dad, and the rest of your family! My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Thank you for the well wishes, Jessica. It is amazing how the roles can switch so suddenly.I find myself calling throughout the day to check on him. We make sure he takes his medicine and we have to look over his shoulders making sure he follows doctor orders, I remember all the times I was sick as a child and how he would check on me and give me my medicine.
Best wishes to you and yours as well, Jessica.
What a touching and insightful piece. I am glad that your father has taken a turn for the better. I hope you have many more years before you have to step into that roll
Lashonda´s last blog ..What Does Your Dash Say About You?
Very touching. And I know what you mean. My mother is 83 years old and while she is still vibrant (walks frequently) and generally good health, she is slowing and starting to forget things. My sister and I have been more cogzinant about what she can and can no longer due. I will be praying for your family.
Dera Williams´s last blog ..Memory Monday- I Remember Fall Days
I will keep you in prayer. My mom experienced a stroke a few years ago but you can’t tell now the way she gets around. The therapy will help your dad. As I was reading your post, it reminded me of how the roles do reverse. Its like we experience two dependent stages–when we’re children and then again when we become old.
Shelia´s last blog ..Splitsville Takes Me to Want My YA
Dera and Sheila, thank you for the prayers and well wishes. Dera, what a blessing to have your mother vibrant at 83. We all hope to live so long and be in great physical condition. I know that through prayer and a lot of hard work on his part my dad will be healthy once more.