Between the Sheets–How Many is Too Many?
By APOOO • Jul 15th, 2008 • Category: Between The Sheets •
Email This Post
• 
Print This Post
You can just “Kiss My Placenta.” Whew who pissed off Erykah Badu by talking about her, her kids and her baby’s daddies. Posted below is an excerpt of a supposed response from Badu directed at folks on a message board who appeared to be talking negatively about her rumored third pregnancy.
“I LOVE CHILDREN AND I WILL HAVE AS MANY AS GOD WILL GIVE ME .
I AM VERY HEALTHY AND RESPONSIBLE AND SO ARE ALL OF MY PARTNERS
I CHOSE THEM WISELY AND SOBERLY .
ALL GOOD BROTHERS .
your opinions lack experience and are not only careless but also very uninformed and immature.
nothing is sacred here . and i see why.
if i loose you as a fan because i want to continue to have children then
FUCK OFF… WHO NEEDS YOU ….CERTAINLY NOT ME … KICK ROCKS … CALL TYRONE … PACK LIGHT …. BITE MEi have defended myself here ON THIS SITE and hurled a few insults .. but only in response to your insults of
my music , my clothes , my lyrics , my hair , my being a woman , my spirit, my choices of partners….
these have all been on trial here . and i continued to support the energy of this place .this is to all the okay players / REAL HUMAN BEINGS hiding behind screen names in order to insult one another and who ever else you will.
geeeez…
i had to say something
i am so sad for parents who try , today guys
enough is enuf.dont judge to quickly , OKAY PLAYER?
i know you are having fun , but what if it were you and your children?
my son is 10 .
my daughter, 4 .peace
ANALOGUE GIRL
and if this post is not clear
kiss my placenta.”
Badu’s response is quite lengthy, if you are interested in reading the entire post, CLICK HERE.
Apparently, how many baby mommas and baby daddies is a HOT TOPIC for fodder these days as Doug of the Doug Banks Show posed the question to listeners yesterday, ‘How Many Baby Mommas and Baby Daddies are too many?’
In other words, if you are dating someone and they have kids, how many different baby daddies or mommas can they introduce into your relationship? Honestly, I never really thought about this much until today, because as a Black woman I do not think we really have much choice when it comes to finding someone who does not have kids.
In my case, when I met my husband he had one child. I had none which my husband liked because he did not have to deal with any baby daddies. I, on the other hand, had to deal with a baby momma. LOL. My preference would have been none, since I did not have any children of my own. But, given that I was over 30 when I got married, it was dayum near impossible for me to find a man who did not have any kids. My husband said that this worked both ways…he just hit the jackpot with me. Hehe. At any rate, I was fortunate as his baby mama respected me, never caused any drama (with me) and his daugther was almost out of the house (she was 16) when we got together and she did not feel threatened by me.
Okay, fast forward to 18 years later and two children together and the same question. Well, if something happened to my hubby prematurely and I had to enter the dating scene again–how many baby mommas would be too many for me? If they come with drama ALL OF THEM.
DISCUSSION QUESTION
And you…how many baby mommas or baby daddies are too many for you? Tell APOOO.
Who’s FIRST?
Related Posts
APOOO is a book club and an online author and reader community dedicated to advancing African American literature. Our mission is to expose readers of all ages to a good book in any genre; to support African American authors, books, literary events and bookclubs; to provide marketing resources, tools and tips to authors; and, to promote literacy within the African American community.
Email this author | All posts by APOOO
As a Black woman in her 30s, I am faced with the issue all the time. I do not have children, There were other things I needed to do. l earned my degrees, got a career and tried to get to know me first. I’ve also been very mindful of not having children without a husband. I don’t know if its because I have both a mother and a father in the same household; or because I am a teacher in an inner city. I SEE first hand what the breakdown of the family has done/is doing to our children. Sadly, when I meet guys there are always children involved. I have come to accept it. If I am going to date then the probability of hooking up with a guy within the AA community with kids is probably 20:1. Men in general just don’t seem to be ready to commit, with the divorce rate in this country nearly half, I think its almost inevitable.
However, there is a line one must draw. Fine, if you are divorced or was in a committed relationship that produced a few children, I can deal with that. I don’t mind interaction and cooperative parenting between the guy and his “baby mama”. Its needed to parent children effectively. I wouldn’t date him if he was a deadbeat dad, by choice.
On the other hand, once a brotha comes up with five, six, seven,etc children and there are SEVERAL women involved—–HELL NO——-!!!!!! It totally speaks to the character of a man who has not one but several baskets that are filled. It just stinks of irresponsibilty. IMHO he’s bascially a lame who didn’t learn a leasson the first, second or third time around. Too much baggage and too much potential for drama.
I feel Erika, on the fact that way too many people on the net take things too damn far. Its easy to sit in your armchair and spew nasty and hurtful opinions without fear of reprisal. I have read some really nasty and disgusting things people say. It all makes you wonder where the morals. values and common decency are in this world. We have become a nation where celebrity news and gossip trumps REAL news. Leading newspapers and magazines now will have headlines regarding who is divorcing who among the rich and famous; instead of the problems that are plaguing our nation.
Badu along with many other folk must learn that its a different world. If you are in the public’s eye then you must be willing to suck up what they throw at you. Do silly stuff and it will get talked about. Hell, we talk about the girl on the block with 3 kids with 3 different fathers. Being a celeb doing it will surely invite others to rip you another one.
Raven
You know it is a rarity to hear from Miss Badu because she rarely gives interviews. She can do whatever the hell she wants, simply because everybody else in some shape or form is doing the same thing.If that was not the case, everybody would be in perfect glass houses with no stone throwing and there’s a whole lotta folks damn near bleeding to death because of the glass shards sticking out of their bodies, so what does that tell you.
I am 41, not one marriage, no kids and that is my choice. In a world where Brangelina’s twins are being treated like the second coming by the media and folks hungry for some type of judgement, no one is safe. Hell they talk about Badu naming her oldest(a boy name Seven) and the daughter, Puma and she did not give a crap. If anything next to her rant, the second part of her double CD is about to drop in a few weeks so next to her speaking her mind, she is going to get her fans(myself included) to buy the second CD and those who are not fans but curious to see what she has to say on this release.
I hear about celebrity and entertainment stuff all the time as a journalist but I know how to separate fluff from the real problems…best believe I am watching World News Tonight w/ Charles Gibson and not TMZ. Hell I get judged everyday because I write for a newspaper a lot of people don’t like and whether I do positive stories or negative stories NO ONE IS SATISFIED. So reading stuff like Eryka’s rant about her being a baby mama does not faze me…my thing is to talk to the young girls who approach me about their personal drama(and not for the need to get a story, their issues are off limits to the public) because as a few reveal to me, they can’t or don’t have someone to talk to without being judged. Erykah’s gonna make her money and make her babies…so be it.
Personally, if E. Badu likes it, I love it.
It’s her life and her body. We praise Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt for having kids, but talk junk about Badu. Scandal!
As far as the question goes–I’m a 31 year old woman with no kids. I think if a brother takes care of his children and has their mother in check, I have no choice but to accept the situation if I decide to be involved with him. How can I love the man and not his children? I can’t love his children and have malice in my heart toward their mother. It makes me feel a lot better when the baby momma is the ex wife because that says a lot about his character!
Raven–thank you for being a role model for our impressionable youth:
Kids might say a lot of stuff about Ms. Raven but they won’t be able to say ‘who is she to tell us what we shouldn’t be doing when she did the same thang…she ain’t nothing but a baby mama also.’
Good observation:
Yep, yep, yep and honestly it goes beyond whether or not you can afford to have a child…more later.
A concern I have is how can women or men lie down today with folks without protection?!?!? Do folks not think that AIDS/HIV exist? Honestly, I don’t understand it.
Also, knowing what I know about men, one is enough for me esp. when it comes to kids…I personally could not have more than one baby daddy…okay if I was younger…REMARRIED then two. And neither would be baby daddies…they would be my husband and the father of my children (or an ex-husband).
I discussed this blog with the kids yesterday and Paul shared with me that ‘parents need to think more before they act.’ Ya’ll this was out of the mouth of a SIXTEEN YEAR-OLD. Of course, I was like,
He said that Oprah had a show recently where kids that were produced via sperm donors were on the show and they were looking for their dads…and many of the men, of course, were aghast and even claimed that the kids couldn’t be theirs because they didn’t know who received their sperm?!?!? It saddened me to hear this esp. since I know from personal experience that everyone wants to identify and connect with their kinfolks…no matter what others might think.
How many is too many has many ramifications that folks should think about before they ‘hook up.’
I am not EVEN mad @ Ms. Badu for her response.
I don’t think this case here is a matter of whether or not she’s right to have however many children w/however many men. I think this is more of a case of “MIND YO’ OWN DAMN BUSINESS!” She is frustrated and all mothers know when folks start talking recklessly about your kids, it’s gonna be some smoke in the city! I’m pro-choice, so I think she can and should be able to CHOOSE how many kids she wants to have, however she wants to do it.
In my personal life, I simply choose not to deal w/men with multiple kids in multiple places. It’s too much of a hassle. I don’t exclude men who have kids (just not babies or spread out all over), because I have kids myself (AND THEY HAVE DIFFERENT DADDIES! WHAT??? LOL!)
And if he DOES have some youngin’s, he’d better be taking care of them. Those are the ones I refuse to even talk to. Any man who won’t take of his own baby is hella suspect to me. He gets NO LOVE!! They are the WORST! Blech!
Hey Lisa and yes…
But you no fans or not…folks ain’t gonna let it be…and by now Badu should know that most folks live mundane, normal lives, and as such, pounce on celebrities when they do something that goes against the grain. So she just needs to put on her big girl thong and get used to it…althought I don’t know how anyone ever gets used to be verbally abused.
Hey CaShawn…good seeing you ova here baby gurl!
I DEFINITELY CO-SIGN.
Hey Cheris and that was one of my grandmother’s favorite sayings…along with if you lay down with dogs you’ll get up with fleas…hehe.
Hmm – interesting. I don’t have children, and I don’t think I want to deal with children, so a man with one child would be too much for me. In general, if all parties get along and respect one another, I don’t think it should matter if children are involved or if there is one…two baby mommas or daddies around. My eyebrow did raise when I read the beginning of Erykah’s response, “I LOVE CHILDREN AND I WILL HAVE AS MANY AS GOD WILL GIVE ME. I AM VERY HEALTHY AND RESPONSIBLE AND SO ARE ALL OF MY PARTNERS I CHOSE THEM WISELY AND SOBERLY. ALL GOOD BROTHERS .”
Though they may all be good brothers, wouldn’t it be better to find that ONE to COMMIT to and have all of your children? I know that may sound idealistic, but children deserve more than to simply be born. Children deserve a full-time mother and a full-time father.
Shon’s last blog post..ChickLitGurrl Interviews Urban Christian Author Shana Burton
Shon, that’s what I struggle with as well. I don’t want to condemn or judge…but sometimes I wonder if we think enough about our kids before we make choices that affect more than just us.
I only have children with my husband, and he only has children with me. I don’t think I have the patience to be bothered with anyone’s baby mamas. I need to know that my discipline technique is the same thing used all the times. And when it’s someone else’s child you don’t want to handle them in anyway that will cause their mama to start acting funny. I see what my husband’s friends go through with their baby mamas and I see what a friend of mine goes through with her husband’s baby mama…I’D BE IN JAIL.
It’s not so much the children, but the bad influence of the mamas, makes the children disrespectful at times, not always. Those women thinks it is ok to show up and show out. NOT HAPPENING.
Erykah is a grown woman, and if she wants to have a baby for every man she meets so be it. But the consequence will be hers to bare. See it is not money only that is used to raise a child. It is the stability of a home environment. Those kids may see baby daddy # 1 coming to pick up her son, baby daddy #2 coming to pick up her daughter, and baby daddy #3 coming to get his and lose all respect for their mama. HER PROBLEM, not mine. I will not be the one to judge this woman. I know it couldn’t be me.
But she set herself up as a target to be talked about like a dog. Somethings are best left unknown by the general public. We as AA know how we are, smiling up in that woman’s face saying her music is hot, and then turn around and say girl she a hot mess. Look her with all them baby daddies, and how they know that’s really their child? When all these people really should be concerned with is how STDs are transmitted and some are incurable. Also did they realize there is some truth to the saying six degrees of separation?
The things we should worry about is not what we think about. It’s always the juicy gossip that’s got our attention.
Jennifer–LOL…saying the music is HOT and in the same breathe saying she’s a HOT MESS but yes that’s how many of us roll.