Between the Sheets–My Best Friend’s Husband
By APOOO • Jul 12th, 2008 • Category: Between The Sheets •
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You and your best friend have been friends since college. A lot has happened in 20 years. Both of you married. You married two best friends; her husband and your husband are also good friends. She had a child, you could not. But, you are the Godmother of her only child–a child that was equally loved by both of you. Your husband recently died and now you’re a widow. Your best friend’s marriage also suffered a demise…an emotional one…she is now getting a divorce. Her husband wants to work it out; her daughter wants it to work out, but your girlfriend doesn’t. She wants to be on her own and there is nothing that anyone can do to make her change her mind. Her husband becomes her ex and a FREE AGENT. He’s free and available to date anyone that he desires. He desires and CHOOSES YOU! Now what?
DISCUSSION QUESTION:
Your best friend’s EX-HUSBAND is interested in you…your friend ‘says’ she’s over him…but will she really be okay with him dating you. Best friend’s husband makes the first move…he gives you a kiss that is so passionate that it knocks you off your feet and scares you…because after all it’s your best friend’s husband…wait scrath EX-HUSBAND. So, do you or don’t you…start a relationship with your best friend’s ex-husband. What say you?
PS–This is based on a Lifetime movie (yeah I watched Lifetime…hehe) that I watched earlier today titled My Best Friend’s Husband…initially I was like OH HELL TO THE NO…but the more I watched the movie the more I thought–” I’ve got to blog at APOOO about this for Between the Sheets month…cause this is good fodder for discussion. ” Hehe…so SPEAK UP AND SPEAK OUT…SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS.
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If he is truly my ex..he is now just “another man” and I wont care.
Linda…hmmm….okay…you might be on to something there…:)
Some men are just off limits all the time, no matter what the circumstances. I have a family member that started dating her best friend’s husband after her best friend died. Also off limits.
I must say I’m a Lifetime junkie as well. Chances are I’ve seen this movie, but can’t remember it right.
There is a forbidden line in friendship that one never should cross, and this is a major one. My sister, dated one of her best friend’s ex-boyfriend and the so called friend and her friends, tried to kill my sister, that was when they were in high school.
When she called me I told her she was so wrong, That made her mad. But the truth is the truth. I would never date any of my good friend’s or my best friend’s ex. It makes for trouble. And I could not imagine one of them with my husband. That is what they portray in the Soaps but those are unrealistic scenarios, for entertainment purposes. At times those shows get tricky.
Not happening in my world. I’d be too pissed off. That is part of the reason I always dated guys opposite of what my friends thought was sexy. It worked in my favor, because I’m still with my high school sweetheart.
Lena–I have a sorority sister who dated a deceased soror’s husband…for some reason it never bothered me because they were both in their 70s and looking for companionship and their kids didn’t mind so I decided I shouldn’t either.
TJ–thanks for sharing your thoughts…hope you’ll stop by often.
Jennifer–whew sounds like it was a hot mess with your sister…but hmmm as far as this stuff being fiction…I think a lot of it is grounded and begins with real life…I know because a good friend dated and married my first love….wasn’t nothing fiction about that…lol.
SL–I feel you about the mature side…and I like to believe that if I no longer wanted my ex…I shouldn’t cock block…but I’m not so sure I would be happy with him dating my best friend or any of my close friends…that would just be a little too incestuous for me…now if I died and they got together all bets would be off.
If she and I were friends, and we discussed intimate stuff, uh I dunno. I just wonder if the friendship would last beyond this. For myself I would have to say no.
Quick answer: nope. Longer answer: I’ve seen that movie a million times, love it actually, and each time I’m a bit disgusted by the friend. I couldn’t do that to my friend, and even if she said she was okay with it, I wouldn’t buy that. People say a lot of things and then shit hits the fan, and you’re without a best friend.
Shons last blog post..UNDER THE MISTLETOE – short story – NOW AVAILABLE
Hey Rosa–I feel ya on the intimate stuff…and I would always wonder if he was doing with her what he did with me…or is he doing it different…better…I don’t think the friendship could last because you’re more than a friend…you’re MY BEST FRIEND…you’re like family and my sister.
nope. to do it is asking for major trouble and the loss of a friend.
Interesting topic…
The mature me wants to say…there’s nothing wrong with it…’Life Is Too Short’
However, the rational me says…it’s a recipe for disaster…as best-friends we often tell each other intimate details of our relationships and although he’s now her ‘Ex’…friend would be thinking…did ‘sister-friend’ want him all along…were they having an affair behind my back.
Best-Friends would be friends no more.,,I just can’t imagine them being able to be close anymore.
Hey Shon–today was my first time seeing the movie and I was so aghast when I begin watching it but the longer I watched the more pissed I became with the wife.
I would have to say, no… I wouldn’t cross that line with my friends “ex”. It’s to messy, to emotional, and too nasty… I know you can’t choose who you fall in love with, but that would be a definite NO!!!
Hey Godiva–yep some lines shouldn’t be crossed; I learned that the hard way.
YAS…you were pissed with the wife?? Why?
Shons last blog post..UNDER THE MISTLETOE – short story – NOW AVAILABLE
Shon–because this woman left her husband because she just got tired of him…this man basically begged her to try and work it out and give them a chance…and she didn’t want any part of it. He was a GOOD man that she basically tossed to the curve and then got pissed when he took up with her best friend. So, she didn’t want him but she didn’t want her best friend with him either…mind you I’m not condoning what the best friend did…but if you say you no longer want someone…you can’t dictate who they end up with.
True, *nodding*
I’ll give you that one. But still, LOL
Shons last blog post..UNDER THE MISTLETOE – short story – NOW AVAILABLE
Hehe yeah still is right…
See, this is exactly what I was talking about earlier in the week about the threesome. You must establish boundaries. Your best friend or sister’s ex is off limits; is outside those moral, ethical and plain common sense boundaries. The credo of any man is game is not so. Shame on that man also. Of all the women in the world why would he choose the best friend? Why would the best friend even entertain being with her best friend’s man or ex man? I could care less about Hollywood marriages and shenanigans and when I read about their romantic exploits I usually just let it roll off; but when Denise? started dating Tommy Lee and she was supposedly Heather Locklear’s friend and they had recenty separated, I said WTF? How selfish and self-absorbed can one be. Boundaries people, boundaries.
What happened in the movie and what happened with Denise was very different. Denise was giving advice to Heather to leave her husband and all the while lusting after him and hopping in bed with him the first chance she got…Denise was just a slut.
Life is too short for me to deny somene else happiness. As long as there was no hanky-panky while we were together it’s cool. I’ve never let a man go before I was sure he needed to be gone. Therefore, I don’t believe it would bother me.
Heck, I know people who are related who have found themselves in this situation. I think it is only an issue if the woman has not found someone new.
Hey Khadejah and thanks for stopping by…and what a mature and healthy attitude! I appreciate especially like this statement: Life is too short for me to deny somene else’s happiness.
Personally, I don’t think I could date any of my friend’s husbands if my friend was still alive…but once they die all bets are off…although when I think about it I can’t think of any friend whose husband I would want to be with…I know too much about all of them…lol.
As a man, I don’t know if I could date my ex-wife’s best friend. Even as I grew up, I looked at my best friends girlfriends as sister’s.. Nothing more. And given the environment where our children are involved (It’s like a village), the mere thought of dating someone within that circle would cause tremendous problems.
It’s a grass might be greener scenario that takes more analyzing than passion. If I were a woman and that were my best friend, she would probably have surface knowledge of some of the details of our demise. What would make her want to take a chance, even if I were completely over him?
Hey William and thanks for stopping by and commenting. Good to see you ova here.
Oh my God! Why do some chicks act like there’s only one got dayum dxxk in the world? Somebody better knock some sense into homechick’s ead. Jacking your best friend’s man is no no, no matter what the circumstances. But I guess if it didn’t happen ‘hoes wouldn’t have nothing to do but their nails.
Pam Ward
WANT SOME GET SOME
BAD GIRLS BURN SLOW
PAM, I love you. I swear I do…
Hey Pam thanks for stopping by.
Absolutely NOT.
Hey LJ…so tell me how you really feel…lol.
xoxo
Jacking your best friend’s man – definitely a no-no. But that’s not the premise stated here. Here you’re talking about 4 adults – all long-time friends – one husband dies and the other wife walks away. Ditched man wants you.
Is it surprising that best friend’s hubby is attracted to you? Chooses you? No, probably not. I mean, in this scenario, the two families have been close for damn ever and you all know each other well. And there’s the daughter of the other couple involved, too, who in this scenario might have had the equivalent of two sets of parents, sounds like.
So, my answer would be a bunch of questions, actually. (no surprise there!)
First, why is ditched man choosing you? Are you two friends, too? Enough to build a relationship of your own on? Or is he making a fear-based, knee-jerk reaction to being dumped? And for God’s sake, don’t base ANY decisions SOLELY on whether a man can knock you off your feet with a kiss, because hello – the best kisser of my lifetime was a soul-sucking, self-absorbed SOB not worth the oxygen he consumed by breathing. Those turned out to be the most expensive (literally and figuratively) kisses of my life to date.
What about the daughter? How old is she? How close have the two of you been? What was your role while her mother was walking away? And does she live with her mother or her father?
And what about best friend? If she’s truly done, and has truly let go of any emotional attachment to her husband, then she’s also given up the right to dictate how and with whom he moves forward, even if it’s with you. If she’s got a problem with him wanting to start a relationship with you, or you wanting to start a relationship with him – then she’s not as ‘done’ as she says she is. Sorry – but she’s not. When we truly let go – we let go. Period. And yeah, it might be a little easier on everyone if he had gone after someone else, but is that true really? At least with you, she knows that her daughter is loved for her own merits, not to gain her daddy’s favor. And how much of a friend is she to you if she deems her ex off limits to you? Your husband died, and she left hers. If you can be happy where she wasn’t – what’s the skin off her nose, anyway?
Bottom line – if everyone involved is being authentic and integrous, there shouldn’t be a problem. Unfortunately, most people are neither truly authentic or truly integrous and tend to live life in reaction, not action, so very likely there would be problems.
But then – when is life problem free? Overall, the defiant me says ‘one woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure’ and if she’s going to begrudge me my treasure, then maybe she’s trying to leave our friendship just like she walked away from the relationship she had with her husband.
Suzanne Bird-Harriss last blog post..Find Suzanne at APOOO Bookclub!
BRAVO Suzanne…BRAVO!
xoxo
Yasmin’s last blog post..Self-Worth Is the Sexiest Lingerie
Yas,
First of all, why would my best friend’s husband of twenty years be interested in me suddenly unless he was already looking, or he’s now looking for a quick escape to ease some of the pain. I would have to say to the BFF, run as far and as fast as you can from that mess. If it was me, I might be over him, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable watching them all huggy/kissy either. What’s wrong with either party that they can’t look for love elsewhere? That one would make me wonder if they weren’t already creeping behind my back lol.
Ms Puddyn
Correct, the question wasn’t about jacking. I think most important it’s about timing. Are we talking immediately after the divorce. Are we talking no contact and then a year later you rin into him at a cook-out. There are a lot of questions that should ome into play. This would require the same time and attention that should go into meeting a stranger and deciding to date him.
Suzanne, I had to think about it, none of my friends are married to men I would be remotely attracted to, let alone could develop an interest in if they parted ways. Now I have some associates whose now boyfriends/husbands have made me ask why oh why did I decide to stay home that night…LOL
Ms Puddyn–Thanks for sharing your thoughts…and from experience I know that sometimes love finds us and doesn’t always come in the package that we expect.
Khadejah–LOL regarding
My final word. No matter how you slice it, fix it up with the what ifs. I don’t care if it is ten years from now, I still maintain there are boundaries. I’ll say it again, certain folks are out off limits. Yes, people do it and usually it is because they are thinking of themselves only and not weighing the fallout and they don’t care. People try to make things fit to suit them, that’s fine. What I am saying is if one sets limitations or boundaries, then there would be less drama and confusion. Peace out!
Hey Dera we will just agree to disagree on this one. I agree about the boundaries and the limitations…but I don’t think all situations are a one bandage fits all either. If I don’t want the man and the other two parties are fine with it…my kids don’t have a problem with it…my family ain’t sweating me…then everyone else can peace out.. Life is too short for me to try and control someone else’s destiny or cockblock. Besides I hope to be getting my groove on with a boytoy somewhere so somebody’s momma will probably be pissed at me for dating someone 10-15 years younger than me…LOL.