Suicide Attempt Close to Home by Rambling Raven
By Raven • Apr 13th, 2009 • Category: Rambling Raven •
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Suicide Attempt Close To Home by Rambling Raven
My mom and her friend met in the fifth grade. Their friendship has endured nearly fifty years of ups and downs. They have been there for one another through the deaths of parents, siblings, and significant others. My mother and her friend gave birth to their first born within weeks of one another. They both had baby girls. And although my mother and her friend could go months without picking up a telephone to speak, they always seem to pick up where they left off as if no time had passed once they did.
This past weekend my mother got a frantic phone call from her dear friend. Her son attempted to commit suicide. He lost his job recently, was having a tough time finding another and keeping his family with a roof over their heads. In desperation, the son who saw no light at the end of the tunnel, wrote a heartfelt note to his family and downed a bottle of pills. By the time the ambulance reached the hospital, he was in a coma. Needless to say this sad event has taken family and friends by surprise. Everyone is left asking why?
There are never any satisfactory answers to why someone would try to kill themselves. Upon reflection, no one who is close to the son can say that they saw it coming. They all knew that he was going through hard times but no one ever thought he would try and take his own life. Suicide was something that they heard about on the news or read in the papers, it just almost never seemed to happen to people like them.
I know no one is immune to suicidal thoughts and attempts. However, from speaking to friends and family about this terrible situation, I realize that there still seem to be some taboo around the subject. Most people I spoke to have never had long thought provoking conversations about it, up until now. Some believe that life has always been tough for black people and suicide was never a thought because it has been our faith and strength that has pulled us through.
Depression is a real issue within the black community, but it seems to take a backseat to so many other glaring health and social concerns that plague us. Many black people I know have never thought to seek professional help when it comes to dealing with stressful issues within their lives. Some believe that you have to have money if you want to seek therapy. Most will talk to a family member or a friend before seeking counseling, but often these individuals don’t know how to recognize or effectively deal with someone who is clinically depressed. The depressed person is often too embarrassed or ashamed to go outside of their social circles for help. And when you are in a deep funk it is very hard to gather yourself together enough to comprehend that your thoughts and feelings require professional help. There is also the fear of being seen as weak or crazy by others because you can’t deal with your problems.
Depression can take so many forms: some people withdraw from life, while others seek to numb the pain with alcohol or drugs, or act out in reckless, irrational ways. And there are those like my mom’s friend’s son who turn so inward that the only way out of the hurt and the pain is to put an end to the suffering by taking their own lives. In these tough economic times, I have heard of too many people succumbing to the hopeless feelings that are associated with losing a job or home. So much of our identities and self worth are tied to our jobs and how well we can provide for our families, when we lose these we lose a sense of who we are and our purpose in life. I think that now more than ever we need to reconnect with our faith, family, community and those social services (many are free) that are available to help us weather the storm mentally. After all, eventually there will be a light at the end of that tunnel.
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Raven is an educator with a B.A. in Psychology and a M.A. in Education. She has been an avid reader since childhood. Her favorite genres are mystery, suspense, and horror, although she will give any genre a try. She is a life long resident of Chicago. Her love of books opened her mind to people, places and events far beyond her Chicago home. Reading helped to shape her world and her opinion of the events that took place within it. No matter what demands her career requires of her, she has always found time to read and write in a journal. Along with reading and journaling, she loves to watch the sunset, and discuss hot topics with family and friends. She loves baseball, horror movies, mysteries, listening to music from every corner of the world and expressing her view of the latest books with the women of APOOO.
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Jennifer I definitely hear you and understand; I went through serious depression after my mother died…and I know that it’s a medical condition that sometimes requires medication attention…yes prayer and faith help…BUT…just like with any other disease sometimes it’s bigger than us and we need professional help.
As a psychology major, I connect with this well. As an individual I connect with it well. I too have been going to therapy of late. Almost a year ago had such a drastic change in my life and didn’t know how to cope with it. My initial visit to the psychologist was to simply ask her what it entails being a counselor, and to get some inside tidbits on being a psychologists but found my self being her client. I had a lot on my shoulders, a lot on my heart. Things I kept in because I thought I could handle…when truly I needed someone to speak to. And I think for the most part, most of us try to have the “I’m strong”, “I could handle this” mentality and forget that we can’t do it all alone. And you are right in that we are mostly tied in with what society expects of us that we forget to be human.
Depression comes on when its least expected. We don’t walk around with our loved ones under a microscope so we tend to miss out on many of the underlying hurts they suffer from.
I hope your family pulls through this and can grow toward a brighter future. With prayer…the light at the end of the tunnel can shine.
Onika Pascal´s last blog post..All in one breath.
Jennifer I agree…and I hope that by speaking up and speaking out others who need help will have ears to hear/listen and go and get the medical treatment they deserve.
Onika thanks for sharing your thoughts…much appreciated.
xoxo
Sorry to hear about this Raven. May prayers go out to you, your mother, and her friend. I have been through therapy twice in my lifetime. I’m not ashamed to ask for professional help when the sadness and darkness starts to feel like normalcy over happiness and joy. I know when my depression hangs around too long I need to do something quickly. You just never know what one will do if they feel there is no way out.
Jennifer C´s last blog post..Second Quarter Reading Challenge
Oh medication was the only thing that helped me. I prayed and prayed but I think I had reached my point of no return; so whatever He was saying to me I couldn’t hear it or see it. We have to get pass these stereotypes that we are lumped in.
Jennifer C´s last blog post..Second Quarter Reading Challenge
Did he come out of the coma? Sad……My best friend’s daughter was seventeen when she commit suicide and it hurt bad bc I had just told her if she ever needed anyone to talk to and felt like she couldn’t talk to her mom, to call me…I never got that call…And we also never seen it coming…Suicide is more prevalent in the black community now. A few years back a guy in Orlando couldn’t get to his wife because of security and he shot and killed himself and two of the boys died two of them survived…..
Thanks for all the feedback. Sadly, I have learned that this young man just suffered a heart attack. It looks grim but we are praying for him. It is all very sad. His family is beside themselves with the grief of it all.
I am so sorry to hear this. I had a high school friend commit suicide when he found out he had a terminal cancer. My daughter also lost a friend to suicide at that age of 15. The young girl kept telling my daughter she could not take the stress at home and shot herself in front of her younger siblings. That made me talk to everyone about the pressure they put on Ericka to be close to perfect in all she does. I tell her constantly because her dads family pressures her to excel that it is ok to fail a test. Just get up and dust yourself off, it is not the end of the world.
Lashonda´s last blog post..2nd Quarter Reading Challenge
This is so sad that people are depressed to the point of considering taking their lives. What has happened around here of late, is men are not taking their own lives but killing their own families, wife and children and whomever else is present. What sense is this?
Then there is the growing number of black male suicide. It is real and present. Mental illness needs to be addressed in the black community, and none too soon.
Dera Williams´s last blog post..Finally…My Favorite Books in 2008
Wow Raven…how old is he?
So true Lashonda…and failure isn’t bad…sometimes we need it to prepare us for bigger situations done the road…life isn’t going to be perfect…but how we handle it determines whether or not we allow it to overtake us.
Yasmin, he just turned 35 in Feb.
Raven, please keep us posted on his progress. We will pray for progress for the family.
Lashonda Silver´s last blog post..2nd Quarter Reading Challenge
In these times it doesnt take depression to cause that hoplessness feeling when it looks like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. No job prospects, bill collectors, being anxious about keeping a roof over your head..there will be more of these types of stories.