Its Tough Being Single, So Leave Me Alone by Rambling Raven
By Raven • Jul 13th, 2009 • Category: Rambling Raven •
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Its Tough Being Single, So Leave Me Alone by Rambling Raven
If one more person offers me advice on how to meet Mr. Right I am going to scream. I have had it with well meaning people trying to “get me back into the game” by either giving me unsolicited dating tips or actually hooking me up with someone. I try and try to tell folk that I am just fine being by myself but some just won’t listen. It’s enough to make a girl want to run out and buy an entire pint of Dolce de Leche ice cream, and eat it all in one sitting.
A dear friend of mine believes that no woman is actually happy unless she is married or engaged to be. This friend has made it her mission to find all her single friends mates. I use to think that her antics were very funny, that is until she set her sights on me. At a recent cookout this gem of a friend politely reminded me of my age and that my biological clock will tick on out if I am not careful. Smiling, I just rolled my eyes and told her that I was waiting until Blair Underwood became available. Well, my sweetheart of a meddling friend didn’t stop at the little reminders. No. She actually ambushed me by pointing out two guys she invited to the cookout just for the sole purpose of hooking me up. Gleefully, she listed each guy’s strengths and explained why he would be a good catch. If I liked one she would quietly let him know and give him my number. If I happened to hit it off with both guys then the plan was for me to casually date them both until I discovered which one I truly liked. Of course neither guy had an inkling that they were at the cookout as part of this master plan. Poor fools just thought they were there to hangout, eat some ribs and watch baseball.
I was so stunned by my friend’s plan that all I could do was look dumbfounded and stare at her as if she had just grew an extra head. Before I knew it I was seated on the sofa next to Mr. Right #1. He was cute enough so I thought what the hell; it wouldn’t hurt to talk to him. Well, to make a long story short I found out that Mr. Right #1 was working as a security guard. Well at least he had a job, right? He had four children, had never been married and was presently living with his sister. He was living with his sister because his last baby’s mama started tripping and threw him out. He was looking for his own place because his sister wanted too much money for rent and she kept leaving her bad ass kids on him. I smiled as sweetly as I could, excused myself and went hunting for my friend. Before I could find the words to politely cuss her, she shoved Mr. Right #2 into my face.
Mr. Right #2 had his own apartment and was currently employed. A big plus right there, so I thought. As I talked to Mr. Right #2 I began to calm down. He didn’t seem as drama filled as #1. However, looks can be deceiving. I found out that #2 loved clothes; he loved his jewelry and his cars. He had always dated professional women and wouldn’t have it any other way. #2 had children but was currently divorced; in fact he had been married and divorced three times. The first two happened because he was too young. He was twenty-five by time the second marriage ended. The third divorce wasn’t his fault either; his ex was just too immature. She wanted everything her way or no way. So although he had three divorces under his belt he still believed that his soul mate was out there somewhere. I wished him luck in finding her and yet again excused myself. And yet again I went hunting for my friend.
I politely pulled her aside and told her that she needed a new hobby. Matchmaking was not her specialty. She accused me of not giving her Mr. Rights a chance. I told her that men like her Mr. Rights were the reason why I was still single. I spent the rest of the evening dodging both men. I gave my friend the evil eye every chance I could.
I know my friend meant well. And I must admit that it does get lonely being a party of one. Who doesn’t want a special someone to share life’s ups and downs with? If I could find a man who I was compatible with I would be thrilled. However, what my friend does not understand is that I will not just settle. I will not settle just because I am a certain age and my biological clock is ticking. I don’t want to be with someone just because society says so. And I don’t want a relationship that will bring me more heartache than joy. I want a relationship that is fulfilling. I don’t want a man just to say that I have one. Why can’t some people understand that?
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Raven is an educator with a B.A. in Psychology and a M.A. in Education. She has been an avid reader since childhood. Her favorite genres are mystery, suspense, and horror, although she will give any genre a try. She is a life long resident of Chicago. Her love of books opened her mind to people, places and events far beyond her Chicago home. Reading helped to shape her world and her opinion of the events that took place within it. No matter what demands her career requires of her, she has always found time to read and write in a journal. Along with reading and journaling, she loves to watch the sunset, and discuss hot topics with family and friends. She loves baseball, horror movies, mysteries, listening to music from every corner of the world and expressing her view of the latest books with the women of APOOO.
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Our friends and family mean well, but what might be good for them, isn’t good for us. When God sends the right man across your path, you won’t have to settle. He will be the one. Unfortunately, we sometimes have to experience the duds before we get to the right one.
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I wish I had listened to the bell that was ringing in my head before I married (it lasted a year but if my friends had not threatened me it would have been two weeks). I am so with you. Stick to your guns.
:: rip roaring applause ::
I can’t ever remember being a status quo woman. I don’t give two hells what society or friends think. Society and my peeps aren’t gonna be sleeping in the bedroom at night next to some joker I picked just to please them. Humph.
Go with your spirit. In the end, you won’t regret it. You made your life choices on your terms, not your friends’, family’s or society’s.
:: another rip roaring applause ::
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Raven, :sigh: sometimes our loved ones and friends mean well but their thoughts are oh so wrong. She didn’t dig good enough to see that they came with more baggage than anyone wants to deal with. Next time she tries to set you up, tell her if you can’t see yourself with him then don’t try to pass him off to me. You shouldn’t have to settle and the same standards she used to find her husband, is not the standards you have. Yours is set for you, because only you know what can and will make you happy; and the things you can and will not tolerate.
Girl…
I am a 42 yr-old single woman with no children. Being that I am also a freelance writer one member of my family…my older sister who became born again nearly 20 years ago, has been married to her husband of nearly 40 years with two adult sons…is now considering me as a lost cause who will suffer if I don’t hurry up and either get a real job or a husband. Says God’s plans are wasted on me…I ask her how does she know this. I care for our father by being in my parents’ home. My free time allows me to do things for him while I juggle my own life. She said to me one time God forbid if dad dies I will be clueless…she shut up when I said God could wipe me , her and our two siblings out while dad lives to be 104. So I have learned to ignore her and definitely need to do that more since the good ol’ blood pressure is trying to be funny with me.
Just tell them nope and keep it moviing.
She really did mean well…
I try not to matchmake, although I find just the opposite to be true. Since my husband and I have been married going on 18 years, friends and business associates–never married and divorcees–ask whether I can help them find Mr./Ms. Right. Wuh? Like because I am married and plan to stay that way, I’m qualified to find the right person for someone else?
I advise friends to be happy. To be active, physically and spiritually. To get involved with the world around them, to learn and do new things, but then be open to new people/relationships and leave the rest up to God. ‘Cuz of course you’re not meeting anyone sitting at home, unless it’s the maintenance man or mailman, but don’t go out into the world with the intent of finding one. Go out with the intent of being someone.
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Thanks ladies for the supportive words. Yeah, if I get another invite from this friend I am going to have to tell her up front that she needs to back off and let nature take its course. I may find someone wonderful and I may actually not find anyone at all. Either way it doesn’t mean that I am not going to try to live life to its fullest. For some of us we still can’t imagine life being full without a man and children. The reality is that I may never find Mr. Right but that doesn’t mean that I have to become some old maid. Nope, life is what you make of it and you have to live for you not for anyone else.
Hey Raven you have the right attitude! Being married and having kids are more than a notion…and while there are many high moments…there are also moments when many women want to run away from home. Happiness doesn’t come from having a husband or kids…but from within…and as long as you are happy with yourself you will be happy no matter what your status might be. And Mr. Right will find you…you won’t have to go looking for him.
Raven,
I don’t know what to say. The “D” word came to mind after I read Bachelor #1’s resume. If these guys were what she considered good catches, what’s a bad catch? An Ike Turner prodigy or maybe a pimp? Girl, please. Nothing worse than the wrong man, not even loneliness can top that.
I think you should suggest pyschotherapy to your friend. She needs to find out why she actually believes a woman can’t be happy without a man. Something wrong with that.
I think you should suggest pyschotherapy to your friend. She needs to find out why she actually believes a woman can’t be happy without a man. Something wrong with that.
I agree Rhonda.
Haha, Rhonda I think you are right. See this friend I am referring to has an interesting history with men. She has always dated what I call “fixer-uppers”. Guys who are blue collar and in many ways needy. Her husband for example is less educated than she is, and has always worked in jobs such as janitorial and security(usually at a warehouse or something). Yeah, old girl does believe that she is happier with a husband and children, which is fine for her but not for everyone else. In fact I have come to the conclusion that she is one of those women who is afraid of being alone. She has always been in a relationship. When she was single she was always on the hunt for a man. I use to tell her to get to know herself first before trying to date the next guy. Her husband is nice enough but he will never be more than what he is. And he relies on her for a lot of things; emotional and financial. She seems to be okay with that.
I love being single. I love being with myself and I don’t mind at all hogging the bedcovers, leaving a mess and picking it up when I feel like it, not caring for any adult except me when I feel like it.
I’ve been down that married road, the seriously dating trail and the horrible why am i with you boat ride and I have to say, the best times are with myself.
Maybe I haven’t met that perfect Mr. Right, although according to my imagination he can’t possibly exist, but until I do, i really don’t mind just being Sylvia to Sylvia.
Gurl, ain’t nuthin’ wrong enjoying your singlehood. It’s refreshing and wonderful. Enjoy it to the fullest!
Trust me!
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Great blog. It takes a secure woman to enjoy her own company and not settle.
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DItto to what the ladies said. Don’t ever settle. I’ve done the married thing and its not all its cracked up to be LOL I was lucky to meet a good guy after my marriage who is blue collar (he works as a security guard) but he doesn’t depend on me for anything. He is a hard -working brother that works multiple jobs to take care of himself and help me if needed. My ex made thre times the money my boyfriend does but he wasn’t near the man that Paul is. You never know who you will meet – I wasn’t looking for a relationship after my marriage, it just happened. I enjoyed my single days a great deal and if things don’t work out for me and Paul I will enjoy them again