Comments on: Old Traps by Djuanna Brockington http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/ Celebrating African American Literature. Promoting Our Voices. Showcasing Our Stories. Sun, 12 Feb 2012 16:21:22 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: APOOO http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/comment-page-1/#comment-12419 APOOO Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:50:14 +0000 http://www.apooobooks.com/?p=3258#comment-12419 Agree Pittershawn...that's the way I operate also...additionally there have been times (not often) where I've fallen asleep and completely forgotten I was supposed to be somewhere...happened this weekend...missed a girlfriend's bachelorette party...I called her and apologized profused...thank God she understood and she is still my friend...so true a couple of incidents should not have us flinging each other under the bus...and I think all of us are old enough to have some really good friends who sometimes just don't want to do what we want to do...and yeah they might back out at the last minute...and that's okay...now if they're backing out all the time I still wouldn't necessarily discontinue the friendship but I probably wouldn't invite them anywhere else either...lol. Now me on the other hand...I usually wait until the last minute to commit to anything...so that way their are very few disappointments and when I show up you're pleasantly surprised...:) Agree Pittershawn…that’s the way I operate also…additionally there have been times (not often) where I’ve fallen asleep and completely forgotten I was supposed to be somewhere…happened this weekend…missed a girlfriend’s bachelorette party…I called her and apologized profused…thank God she understood and she is still my friend…so true a couple of incidents should not have us flinging each other under the bus…and I think all of us are old enough to have some really good friends who sometimes just don’t want to do what we want to do…and yeah they might back out at the last minute…and that’s okay…now if they’re backing out all the time I still wouldn’t necessarily discontinue the friendship but I probably wouldn’t invite them anywhere else either…lol. Now me on the other hand…I usually wait until the last minute to commit to anything…so that way their are very few disappointments and when I show up you’re pleasantly surprised…:)

]]> By: pittershawn http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/comment-page-1/#comment-12417 pittershawn Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:39:56 +0000 http://www.apooobooks.com/?p=3258#comment-12417 I agree, Yas. We all know the difference between someone brow beating us and us being a flake. If my friends know me and know that I have never in the past just dropped something without reason, if I do it a few times out of the entire course of our friendship, then I think they should understand. If all it takes to ruin a friendship and trust is to change my mind about going to something I had previously agreed to, then those are friendships I stay away from. I'd totally understand if the person flaked out on 80-90% of agreements--then that is reason to be concerned. But I would not hold judgment over a couple of missed dinners, regardless of whether I took off from work to be there. I value my friends far more than money, a vacation day, or even some missed time. My friends far outweigh these things to me. It is so small in the grand scheme of things--at least in my life. Can't speak for anyone else. I just care about people and wouldn't ever ruin a friendship because someone made me take off from work a couple times and changed their mind. It has happened to me, and I just let it go. I either go alone, or allow the universe to guide me. For me, it simply meant there was something else I should be doing--and I'm then allowed to create something even more fantastic than that missed dinner, or whatever. Everything in context, I think. And each situation should be evaluated individually. All things considered, years of friendship, habits of friends, etc., I'm sure we know when someone is not really our friend. A couple of incidents should not have us flinging each other under the bus. None of us are perfect. .-= pittershawn´s last blog ..writing =-. I agree, Yas. We all know the difference between someone brow beating us and us being a flake. If my friends know me and know that I have never in the past just dropped something without reason, if I do it a few times out of the entire course of our friendship, then I think they should understand. If all it takes to ruin a friendship and trust is to change my mind about going to something I had previously agreed to, then those are friendships I stay away from. I’d totally understand if the person flaked out on 80-90% of agreements–then that is reason to be concerned. But I would not hold judgment over a couple of missed dinners, regardless of whether I took off from work to be there. I value my friends far more than money, a vacation day, or even some missed time. My friends far outweigh these things to me. It is so small in the grand scheme of things–at least in my life. Can’t speak for anyone else. I just care about people and wouldn’t ever ruin a friendship because someone made me take off from work a couple times and changed their mind. It has happened to me, and I just let it go. I either go alone, or allow the universe to guide me. For me, it simply meant there was something else I should be doing–and I’m then allowed to create something even more fantastic than that missed dinner, or whatever. Everything in context, I think. And each situation should be evaluated individually. All things considered, years of friendship, habits of friends, etc., I’m sure we know when someone is not really our friend. A couple of incidents should not have us flinging each other under the bus. None of us are perfect.
.-= pittershawn´s last blog ..writing =-.

]]> By: APOOO http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/comment-page-1/#comment-12416 APOOO Thu, 30 Jul 2009 18:20:28 +0000 http://www.apooobooks.com/?p=3258#comment-12416 Dera what I saw here was someone being brow beaten to do something they really didn't want to do...the other person wasn't listening really well...so I think it works both ways...if a friend hmmms and haas about doing something...LISTEN...just because you want to do it doesn't mean they want to also...I think a little listening on the front end would have helped all parties concerned. However, I believe this was also a learning lesson for Djuanna in the future as I know she will no longer agree to something that she really doesn't want to do no matter how much the friend begs or coherses...lol. Dera what I saw here was someone being brow beaten to do something they really didn’t want to do…the other person wasn’t listening really well…so I think it works both ways…if a friend hmmms and haas about doing something…LISTEN…just because you want to do it doesn’t mean they want to also…I think a little listening on the front end would have helped all parties concerned. However, I believe this was also a learning lesson for Djuanna in the future as I know she will no longer agree to something that she really doesn’t want to do no matter how much the friend begs or coherses…lol.

]]> By: Dera http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/comment-page-1/#comment-12413 Dera Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:53:51 +0000 http://www.apooobooks.com/?p=3258#comment-12413 Well, I have a different take and it has to do with honoring your word. In Djuanna's case, it was not really definite. If I had planned a day with a friend for shopping and dining and was looking forward to it and she just decided I don't wanna go, no explanation, I'm being true to me, I think I would take offense. There has to be as reason although some of you say no reason. I feel it is disrespectuful. Disrespectful of my time and inconsideration. Maybe I took the day off from work and more than likely, I will go on with my plans, I hear you on that but I would be left wondering, how much I met to that person if they did not have a good reason to cancel (I can certainly understand if something came up) but to say I just don't want to would leave me with a bad feeling and reconsidering just what kind of relationship we have and where I stand. I would think that person would be a flake and not to be counted on because of her whims. My two cents. .-= Dera´s last blog ..<a href="http://derarwilliams.blogspot.com/2009/07/memory-monday-way-we-were.html" rel="nofollow">Memory Monday-- The Way We Were</a> =-. Well, I have a different take and it has to do with honoring your word. In Djuanna’s case, it was not really definite. If I had planned a day with a friend for shopping and dining and was looking forward to it and she just decided I don’t wanna go, no explanation, I’m being true to me, I think I would take offense. There has to be as reason although some of you say no reason. I feel it is disrespectuful. Disrespectful of my time and inconsideration. Maybe I took the day off from work and more than likely, I will go on with my plans, I hear you on that but I would be left wondering, how much I met to that person if they did not have a good reason to cancel (I can certainly understand if something came up) but to say I just don’t want to would leave me with a bad feeling and reconsidering just what kind of relationship we have and where I stand. I would think that person would be a flake and not to be counted on because of her whims. My two cents.
.-= Dera´s last blog ..Memory Monday– The Way We Were =-.

]]> By: Angelia http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/comment-page-1/#comment-12366 Angelia Fri, 24 Jul 2009 20:40:18 +0000 http://www.apooobooks.com/?p=3258#comment-12366 Ironically I blogged about something similiar today...we should only do things if we wanna...we all grown right...I had to grow into it though... Blessings! angelia .-= Angelia´s last blog ..<a href="http://acvermen.blogspot.com/2009/07/only-if-you-wanna.html" rel="nofollow">ONLY IF YOU WANNA...</a> =-. Ironically I blogged about something similiar today…we should only do things if we wanna…we all grown right…I had to grow into it though…

Blessings!
angelia
.-= Angelia´s last blog ..ONLY IF YOU WANNA… =-.

]]> By: Beverly http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/comment-page-1/#comment-12365 Beverly Fri, 24 Jul 2009 19:40:38 +0000 http://www.apooobooks.com/?p=3258#comment-12365 I liked this blog. It shows the different in communication styles. I on the other hand feel that I might change my mind - usually will not tell anyone until the last minute until I am sure that I am going to do and if you want to come along fine, and if not I have already made up my mind to do it anyway. I have a friend like Friend T and usually I end the conversation - oh I have to do a conference call in a few (since I work with groups all over the world - it works) when they will not take no for an answer. I liked this blog. It shows the different in communication styles. I on the other hand feel that I might change my mind – usually will not tell anyone until the last minute until I am sure that I am going to do and if you want to come along fine, and if not I have already made up my mind to do it anyway.
I have a friend like Friend T and usually I end the conversation – oh I have to do a conference call in a few (since I work with groups all over the world – it works) when they will not take no for an answer.

]]> By: pittershawn http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/comment-page-1/#comment-12363 pittershawn Fri, 24 Jul 2009 14:48:23 +0000 http://www.apooobooks.com/?p=3258#comment-12363 Jennifer, why you gonna get me started? See, here's my thing...WHY do we have to find excuses to change our minds? I don't do it anymore. If I decide I don't want to do something, I just say I don't wanna. It's not about hurting anyone's feelings, it's about being true to my spirit and not living from a place of dishonesty in my soul. If someone decides to take a position of hurt because of MY choice, then that is not my burden. They chose that path. They could have just as easily chosen NOT to be hurt, and CHOOSE to understand and respect MY choice. They could have chosen to live in a space where they are not the center of the universe and allow for change and growth. They could have chosen to say, "I wish you were here, but if you don't want to, that's ok. I support your decision, and I'll miss you. Maybe next time. Take care of you." Why is it that when we want to change our minds, folks want to make us feel guilty and believe that we are being selfish? Why? Why can't we just be following our spirit and doing what the universe has guided us to do. Cause almost 100% of the time, our spirit is telling us right. The problem is we've been so trained to follow other people's spirit, we've forgotten to follow our own. Humph. I will always follow my spirit nowadays. Cause the last time I didn't, and I followed what other people suggested cause I didn't "change my mind" like I wanted to, I almost died in a car accident. Humph. .-= pittershawn´s last blog ..miseducation… =-. Jennifer, why you gonna get me started?

See, here’s my thing…WHY do we have to find excuses to change our minds? I don’t do it anymore. If I decide I don’t want to do something, I just say I don’t wanna. It’s not about hurting anyone’s feelings, it’s about being true to my spirit and not living from a place of dishonesty in my soul. If someone decides to take a position of hurt because of MY choice, then that is not my burden. They chose that path. They could have just as easily chosen NOT to be hurt, and CHOOSE to understand and respect MY choice. They could have chosen to live in a space where they are not the center of the universe and allow for change and growth. They could have chosen to say, “I wish you were here, but if you don’t want to, that’s ok. I support your decision, and I’ll miss you. Maybe next time. Take care of you.”

Why is it that when we want to change our minds, folks want to make us feel guilty and believe that we are being selfish? Why? Why can’t we just be following our spirit and doing what the universe has guided us to do. Cause almost 100% of the time, our spirit is telling us right. The problem is we’ve been so trained to follow other people’s spirit, we’ve forgotten to follow our own. Humph.

I will always follow my spirit nowadays. Cause the last time I didn’t, and I followed what other people suggested cause I didn’t “change my mind” like I wanted to, I almost died in a car accident. Humph.
.-= pittershawn´s last blog ..miseducation… =-.

]]> By: pittershawn http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/comment-page-1/#comment-12360 pittershawn Fri, 24 Jul 2009 14:13:13 +0000 http://www.apooobooks.com/?p=3258#comment-12360 Don't. Get. Me. Started. Why do folks think we are NOT allowed to change our minds? It is MY mind. I can change it. Humph. I'ma go sid'own now. Cause I can't get started on this. I'd be here ALL day. .-= pittershawn´s last blog ..miseducation… =-. Don’t. Get. Me. Started.

Why do folks think we are NOT allowed to change our minds? It is MY mind. I can change it. Humph. I’ma go sid’own now. Cause I can’t get started on this. I’d be here ALL day.
.-= pittershawn´s last blog ..miseducation… =-.

]]> By: Jennifer C http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/comment-page-1/#comment-12362 Jennifer C Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:30:54 +0000 http://www.apooobooks.com/?p=3258#comment-12362 I've had a a situation earlier in the summer, when my entire family was in NY. A friend invited me to go eat at this seafood restaurant. We we're going to make a whole day of it. She had a wedding to go to and needed help picking out something to wear. Well, that Friday night while we were out (someplace else) she received a call from her friend and invited her other friend. Before I go any further I should say when anyone first meets me they think I'm mean, but I'm like a dog. I sniff out people first before I let them get too buddy buddy with me. I had a feeling that next morning about an hour before we were to meet...I DIDN't WANT TO GO! I was trying to come up with something good as to why I didn't want to go. Remember all the family was out of state, so I couldn't come up with a thing. I went anyway and her friend and I were not immediately drawn to each other (we never really got into that type of vibe period). She couldn't understand why we weren't messing like she had envisioned. THAT WAS THE LONGEST DAY EVER for me. I told her later on that I almost didn't come and immediately she felt bad. Knowing her like I did that's why I went. I did the old it wasn't you it's me thing. But in honesty I would have preferred to stay at home because I saw how she allows people to take advantage of her and told my husband I felt sorry for her. Her best friend (the one that was with us) never once tried to pull out her wallet to pay for anything. She kept picking things up that she wanted and my friend paid for it. I was beyond livid. Had I just canceled on her I wouldn't of witnessed such onesidedness, but no like you I bitched up. Never again. Lesson learned. I’ve had a a situation earlier in the summer, when my entire family was in NY. A friend invited me to go eat at this seafood restaurant. We we’re going to make a whole day of it. She had a wedding to go to and needed help picking out something to wear. Well, that Friday night while we were out (someplace else) she received a call from her friend and invited her other friend. Before I go any further I should say when anyone first meets me they think I’m mean, but I’m like a dog. I sniff out people first before I let them get too buddy buddy with me.

I had a feeling that next morning about an hour before we were to meet…I DIDN’t WANT TO GO! I was trying to come up with something good as to why I didn’t want to go. Remember all the family was out of state, so I couldn’t come up with a thing. I went anyway and her friend and I were not immediately drawn to each other (we never really got into that type of vibe period). She couldn’t understand why we weren’t messing like she had envisioned.

THAT WAS THE LONGEST DAY EVER for me. I told her later on that I almost didn’t come and immediately she felt bad. Knowing her like I did that’s why I went. I did the old it wasn’t you it’s me thing. But in honesty I would have preferred to stay at home because I saw how she allows people to take advantage of her and told my husband I felt sorry for her. Her best friend (the one that was with us) never once tried to pull out her wallet to pay for anything. She kept picking things up that she wanted and my friend paid for it. I was beyond livid. Had I just canceled on her I wouldn’t of witnessed such onesidedness, but no like you I bitched up. Never again. Lesson learned.

]]> By: Djuanna http://www.apooobooks.com/traps-djuanna-brockington/comment-page-1/#comment-12361 Djuanna Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:23:30 +0000 http://www.apooobooks.com/?p=3258#comment-12361 LOL. I know Pittershawn. I know. I'm still kicking my own butt for going to boot camp this morning. .-= Djuanna´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/DivaFictionBytes/~3/iz9r_QkQ-20/" rel="nofollow">A Few More Tweaks</a> =-. LOL. I know Pittershawn. I know. I’m still kicking my own butt for going to boot camp this morning.
.-= Djuanna´s last blog ..A Few More Tweaks =-.

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