My Weekly Venting/Rambling by Rambling Raven 

This week I had to stop and shake my head at a few things. The African American community is always changing and evolving. Every time we are counted out we seem to rise from the ashes. I think we are the strongest, most resilient people on the face of the earth. We have been through great trials and tribulations and yet somehow we still seem to hold on. This year we helped foster a catalyst for change in America and the world by helping to elect the first African American president. However, there are some things that I have observed that prove to me that the more things change the more they stay the same. For every one giant leap forward, we seem to take two huge steps backwards. Here are some annoying things that I recently observed:

 1. Hair still seems to be an issue among African American women. Recently I went completely natural with my hair. I have twists. I witnessed so many black women with beautiful natural hair that I was encouraged to do it myself. Although I have gotten great reactions from most people, there are still black women who come up to me and want to touch my hair. They often state that they like it but they couldn’t do it themselves because they are afraid of how they will look with “nappy” hair. My hair is naturally curly. The twists highlight my natural curl pattern. Several black women have said to me this past week that they would go natural if they had “nice” hair like mine. And actually asked me if my hair stylist could give them twists but put something in the hair so that it turns out curly and not “nappy” looking. Oh my goodness, are we STILL caught up on the “good hair/bad hair” thing?? I was even told by one that she likes her perm because her hair is long and natural kinky hair would make it appear short. And she couldn’t go around looking like she didn’t have any hair. I must say that I was floored. I honestly thought that as a people we were moving beyond hair prejudice. Now I can understand those of us who work in various places where natural hair may be frowned upon. Until more of us are in the board room and CEOs of companies, we often have to go with the “political” flow of the businesses we are employed in. However, I have been a bit surprised with the reaction of some sistas. I was even told by one woman that she could never get braids, twists or locs because her husband thinks they are ghetto and doesn’t want her wearing them. He likes her with relaxed hair and thinks weaves are just fine. I didn’t have the gall to tell her that she and her husband both sounded like idiots to me. Self-hatred is alive and well in the black community.

 2. I believe that every woman should fight the double standards that plague our society. I believe that women have the right to be whom and what they want to be without fear of being judged. However, I think that once we stop being “ladies” we cross the line. For example: I take public transportation to and from work every week. The most unpleasant part of my commute is sharing the buses and trains with teenagers. The vilest of them all are teen girls. For some unknown reason they have to be the loudest, most obscene and self deprecating of them all. They use the word bitch as if they were given that as a name at birth. They talk openly and loudly about their sexual conquests and dare anyone to look at them disapprovingly. What happened in the community where young ladies no longer carry themselves accordingly? Now, I know none of us were angels but at least back in the day we were able to keep our antics on the down low. It seems that the young women today don’t care what others think of them so much so that they come across as vile and disgusting. They want to shock, be seen and heard. Now I see why so many young men have a difficult time respecting them. It is hard to respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves. I often wonder what mothers are teaching their daughters these days. I am not saying that you can’t have fun and be a teenager but you don’t have to act as if you were raised in the gutter. Bill Cosby was right when he said we didn’t have to worry about airing our dirty laundry in public, our dirty laundry is released everyday from school at 3:45. (Paraphrasing Mr. Cosby here of course.) I am so fearful that young black women not only have to fight for respect from the greater society, their own black men but also from one another. Many of the young girls I witness on a daily bases acting gutter will go on to be someone’s mother. I am afraid that they won’t have the wherewithal to teach their own daughters to act like young ladies, or their sons how to respect their women.

 3. Is it me or is it true that the dating scene in the black community is so bleak that black women are willing to bend over backwards, and step on one another to try to snag a “good black man”?  Recently, I have witnessed a few friends and co-workers lose their minds over a few men who seemingly have it all but underneath are toxic. Both men are college educated with careers and make a decent living. They have women buzzing around them. The buzz around them is that they are one in a million. Since many of these women don’t get a chance to meet men who have advanced degrees, make lots of money, are straight and single they are pulling out all the tricks to get the attention of these men.  It is like watching feeding time at the zoo. The women are out on the prowl and the guys love it. The guys are having their cake and eating it too. They are pitting one woman against another, juggling two and three at once and kissing and telling. The spectacle would almost be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic. One friend put it this way-”nowadays the pickings are so slim for black woman that we are willing to lower the bar so low, and compromise on so many issues just so we don’t end up single and alone for life.” I use to think that my friend’s statement was a fallacy but within the past week or so I am witnessing that her words have a lot of truth to them. Why do so many black women in their 30s and 40s think that they will never find love and happiness? Why are so many willing to openly compete and lower their standards just to have a man sharing their beds? 

Thanks for stopping by and listen to me vent and ramble. Feel free to chime in on any subject I presented above. I would love to hear others chime in.

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