In My Own Words by Djuanna Brockington
By Djuanna Brockington • Nov 21st, 2008 • Category: Free Flow Friday •
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I started journaling in high school. It was a great way for me to deal with my teenage angst, and plan for my future. I stopped in college, but picked it back up a few years after I got married.
Today, after completing an entry in my journal, I decided to read it from the beginning (this particular volume was started in November 2004). In the past, I have gone back through my journal entries for that particular year to see if there were any significant differences in my life from the beginning of the year to the end of the year. Except, I haven’t really done this in the last four years. Until today.
And let me tell you. I about fell out of my office chair. Entry after entry, nothing but pessimism, misguided thinking, and just a dark and dreary Eeyore like mindset. There were four recurring themes: a better relationship with my daughter (when she hit the age of 10, I thought she had lost her mind), a grown up relationship (I was getting tired of playing with men with the mentality of little boys), a job that would let me work from home (like consulting- that is what I actually wrote), and eventually the ability to make a living as a writer.
I was lamenting about all of these things, but I was doing very little in terms of moving forward.
And then around September 2006, the entries become few and far between. As a matter of fact, six months went by before my next entry. And even though there was chaos in my professional life at the time, my entries begin to reflect a change in my attitude.
And then there began to be changes in my life.
I started finding more effective ways to parent my child (I had to use her creative and energetic spirit to my advantage instead of trying to bend her to my will).
I found myself in a real relationship with a real grown up. But I told ya’ll about that.
Eight months ago, I started working from home, as a consultant, no less.
And I am engaging in activities that will very well lead to me being a full-time writer (that can afford to pay her bills and take of her daughter).
One thing I did notice- the more I was “doing”, the less I was journaling.
So what did I learn today? My words have power, but my attitude is just as important.
Do you journal? Why (or why not)? What do you think about the “old” versions of yourself? Holla!
Djuanna Brockington
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Djuanna Brockington is is a Southern Diva who knows about mid-life. Once she hit her 40s, life as she knew it no longer made sense. What she wanted and what she was experiencing, both personally and professionally, were not matching up, so she started seeking change. Be careful what you wish for. After 19 years of service, Djuanna left full-time employment in the public sector for life as a consultant and writer. When she is not chasing the dollars to pay the bills, she is enjoying her family and friends, reading whatever she can get her hands on, and working on that elusive novel. Visit Djuanna on the web at http://www.divafictionbytes.com
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I used to journal, but I stopped. Can’t really say why. I used to find myself skipping for months as well. I could write forever because I was always covering up a lot of my emotions and I knew I had to get them out or I would have another break down. I may have to go back to journaling, because I am in school and some of my classmates press my buttons; oldest child is teeter-tottering on my last viable nerve, and I still have 2 others. Then of course I’m married and at times he too rest on my invisible leftover nerve.
Jennifer C.´s last blog post..The Closest Book
I wrote in a journal since about nine years old, off and on through high school and college and young adulthiood.
My journaling has been few and far between over the last few years. I write musings on the computer to myself and to others but it is not the same as hand writing in a book. You have inspired me to journal tonight and seriously consider picking it up again.
Dera´s last blog post..My name is Dera and I am a bookaholic
Journaling is the window to my soul. I have various journals for various moods. I also have one for Persia Ellis when I’m feeling ’sexy’.
I journal and have since highschool. I find that it has always been a good release, but the thoghts tend to be negative. I harldy write when happy. My mother read my journal during my teen years and thought I hated her, it was just me being a teenager mad because I was not getting my way. My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time read them and said he felt like a monster after reading it. I told him and I was able to better express to my mother as I got older that it was my form of venting and there was nothing that they should take personally.
I did see my life goals written down with nothing coming to pass of them. I have started to take the steps to acheive those goals and find that the less I write the more I acheive as well. I still do write when I need to sort things out. I tend to write my ideas more then my emotions.
I journaled when I was a teenager, but have not since then. But reading the posts maybe I really should. You ladies have given me a real insight as it might help me deal with my everyday struggles, and just to keep my spirits up. I recieved a new journal as a door prize at at seminar that I was invited to. I brought in home and sat it in the magazine rack. I think I will pick it up and see where it takes me. Thanks Ladies.